under the stars

[anatural]

WHO: Korra & Hei
WHAT: Their first night in the Spirit World and their first chance for an actual reunion. (nsfw)

[They trek for hours without saying anything, over terrain that varies with neither rhyme nor reason. Sometimes in a desert, other times in a forest, other times across a plain that seems to stretch for miles until suddenly a mountain appears. Hei doesn't ask why they're going the direction they are, for which Korra is grateful because she doesn't know the answer. She doesn't know anything. They're walking not to get anywhere in particular, but to give Korra a chance to figure out what to do, because she can't think while standing still.

Where would Raava have gone? Is there some way she can communicate with the light spirit? Is there anyone in the Spirit World who doesn't completely despise her?

Evening starts to fall, offering no answers, only a reminder that her body is human and, like it or not, needs rest. Luckily(?) they're in a forest. Plenty of material to make camp with.]

We should stop here for the night. [She has to cough a little mid-sentence; her voice rough from disuse.]

Comments

[anatural]

[Smug is an overstatement, sir. Rather, an ego that's taken more than its fair share of beatings over the past year has been given a bit of a boost. After everything she's lost, all the ways she's failed, all the people who have made her feel inadequate... she's still not completely helpless.

She looks up as he comes back to their little camp, a faint smile playing around her lips, and it's like she's finally, really registering that he's here. He's not some figment of her desperate imagination; somehow, after ten months, across several continents, he found her.]

Nice catch. I'll skin it if you light the fire.

[Such weirdly banal words for a miraculous reunion.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ She's never been helpless in his estimation. He knows the past tumbles and psychic bruises that've accounted for that idea of herself, though. Is well-acquainted with Korra's fear that others might consider her too much effort, impractical, senseless, useless -- in need of being often overruled, controlled, cautioned. Sometimes she reminds him of a rare animal, kept all her life in captivity -- then let loose into the wild. No one's at fault for it; there were trainers who loved and cared for her. There were activists who wanted to set her free. Everybody's heart was in the right place. But the reality is this poor creature adrift in a place she doesn't understand, scared shitless and sometimes so fucking witless she might not last a week on her own. ]

[ Until she's given a chance to strengthen herself. To learn from her mistakes so that she begins to survive. ]

[ That's where Korra is, right now. Half-blind, staggering -- but on her way. ]

[ There's a nod to her words. They don't strike Hei as banal at all. He's not one for gushy reunions. Not when something pragmatic suffices. He hands her the rabbit and a knife, then gets busy. A heap of wood, a spark, and soon they have a blazing fire. Since they have no tents, Hei constructs a makeshift lean-to out of fallen branches and thick fronds, tacking them into a roof and sides. They have good signlines here. Nothing ought to sneak up on them. But just in case, he scoops holes in the ground a strategic distance away from the campsite, into which he deposits four unhooked grenades. He ties one of his wires to the pins, and plays the line out in a rough circle. A little booby trap. Anything that crosses the parameter will snag the wire, setting the grenades off. Then -- boom. ]

[ Dusting his hands off on his trousers, Hei returns to Korra. ]

Need a hand?

[anatural]

[She finishes skinning the rabbit and sticks it on a spit.]

Nope. It just needs to cook.

[mortemscintilla]

[ He settles across from her, watching the meat sizzle. When it darkens, he spears it with the tip of his knife and turns the spit over. It's easy enough to be distracted by mindless tasks, to keep his concentration on the practical and the mechanical. But from time to time his gaze settles on Korra -- briefly, as if afraid to alarm her. Ten months he's been gone -- but the strangest thing is how natural this feels, as if it is happening in a dream where logic can be anything the mind makes of it. Bulked up in her anorak and boots, hair ponytailed messily up her head, face grave and pure, Korra strikes a strong, dauntless figure and yet embodies a youthfulness it seems she'll never outgrow. Kid sister. Troublemaker. Girl prodigy. ]

[ In that moment, Hei doesn't think there is any other person who can look so intrepid and girlish, yet stir this roiling heat in his brain and chest and groin. Ten months, and it's like he's been on standby, his brain suddenly cycling -- joltingly, flickeringly -- awake. ]

[anatural]

[Of course he'd sit so far away. Korra's not sure whether she's more disappointed or relieved. Ten months with no contact — in many ways, he's even more of a stranger to her than he'd been before. Yet being with him right now, it's like no time has past. He still makes her stomach twist in knots. She still wants to feel him close.

Instead, she rips off one of the rabbit's thighs, hissing a little at the heat, and starts to eat.]

How'd you know where to find me?

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei cuts off a strip of meat for himself. Chews thoughtfully, backhanding the juice that dribbles down his chin. It's tougher than real rabbit meat, but fattier and saltier too, the flavor and the charbroiled aroma stirring an unexpected hunger in his belly at the first bite. At Korra's question, he tips a shoulder, watching her through that haze of smoke. ]

There are Southern loyalists inside the Northern army. One of them caught intel that you were trapped in the Spirit World. The news came back to your father, and --

[ Another shrug, this one more expansive, an unspoken: Here I am. (Part of him is amused she'd ask. As far as Hei is concerned, the why and how are irrelevant. His focus is on So what now?) ]

[anatural]

[For Korra, the what now is too obvious to be worth talking about. They keep on traveling until she figures out how to find Raava. If she were with Tenzin or Jinora, she'd probably try to figure out how exactly, because they're familiar with the spirit world. Hei isn't.]

My dad's in the South Pole. You were in one of the Republic Provinces. [Your explanation explains nothing.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Raava. He wants to ask exactly what Raava is. Any details that will click into place within his system of understanding, to connect with other details that have, before this, contained less specific meanings: the nature of the spirit world, the categories and subcategories of spirits, their natures and idiosyncrasies. Most of what they're going on right now comes from unvetted sources (on Hei's part). The rest is instinct and speculation (on Korra's part). To track someone, you need two commodities: information and time. They have a meager supply of both. No map. No stats on Raava. No idea where she might be hiding -- or if she's on the move. Tracking a human being who's frozen is hard. Moving, they leave a trail. ]

[ That doesn't apply to spirits, sadly. ]

[ At Korra's question, he dips his gaze. Cuts off another strip of steaming meat, taking a bite. ]

I wasn't, actually.

[ In ten months, his travels had expanded considerably beyond the United Republic. Or even the Earth Kingdom. ]

[anatural]

[blink. blink.]

So where were you?

[mortemscintilla]

[ He doesn't answer right away. Just hefts a dragonfruit and slides the point of his blade into the skin, sawing it down in half. The fruit opens up in the firelight, a milky pudding-pulp flecked with seeds. The smell is refreshingly sweet. He offers the other half to Korra. ]

When I heard you'd been kidnapped ... I was closer to the South Pole. [ A pause, before he takes a neat bite into the fruit. ] It's the first time I could travel for no reason. I got carried away.

[ It's not an apology, or an excuse. They're pointless here and now. But a vacation is a first even if getting caught up in a war isn't. Still, even if the trip was reconnaissance-based, it had been a novelty, a way to detach from the web of shuttered security Hei had carefully built for himself over the years as a Syndicate op. ]

[ Except, in the face of Korra's palpable endangerment, there seems nothing he can add about his travels that won't be offensive and absurd. ]

[anatural]

How close? Were you actually at the South Pole?

[The thread of hurt in her voice has nothing to do with the danger she was in, and everything to do with the idea that he might have been in the South Pole at the same time as her and never told her. Because that's the kind of stupid shitty stunt he'd pull.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ He meets Korra's eyes -- and they seem to rage at him. Something in Hei's chest stumbles over itself with a nervous reflex. It occurs to him that all this time, he'd been apprehensive she'd forgotten about him. Sometimes, the wild thought arcing through him like a bolt of electricity -- sometimes he'd wonder if so much time had elapsed that he was already a distant memory, no more important than someone from Korra's past life. Remote and irrelevant. In his own twenty-four years of life, he's learnt the brutal erasures that come hand-in-hand with a fast-paced existence. Too much territory covered, too much pain endured. He'd half-anticipated it would be the same for Korra. ]

[ Not so. If anything, her reaction reassures him that, even amidst disaster, she hasn't cast him aside. I really am a bastard, he thinks, brooding at his own faults, his egotism. How can he focus on something so trivial at a time like this? ]

[ When he speaks, the words are careful and honest. ]

I was. But I arrived a week after you'd left.

[ If the timing was different, maybe I'd have caught you. That, he doesn't say. ]

[anatural]

[His words take the sting out of her hurt, leaving just a dull throb of regret. If she had just waited another week to try and catch her uncle, she might have had Hei's help. Everything could have ended differently.

She finishes the slice of rabbit in her hand, but it tastes like leather in her mouth.]

Save some of the rabbit for tomorrow. I'm going to sleep.

[It's not actually what she wants to say. I missed you. I’m glad you’re here. Except her feelings are too jumbled and her heart too sore for those words which at one point wouldn't have felt impossible to say.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei can sense her fatigue, the crippling pressure of her banked sadness. He wishes he could reach out, gather her in. But he's not sure how she'll interpret the gesture. Doesn't trust his own body not to alter -- distort -- the purity of any touch. She's taken on so much responsibility these past few months. The split now, between being the doer and the lover, between duty and reassurance, is going to make everything difficult -- for both of them. Every extraneous emotion seems to be at an apogee. Quietly worried for Korra's sake, he directs his mood to change; to let brooding ebb, acceptance flow. He's here with her. That's what matters. Their reunion is a process that can only take place in steps, or lurches. It's not going to be a smooth slope -- except in the sense that the passage of time will help in and of itself -- and he should expect a series of awkward moments, missteps that end up dissolving earlier progress, but also some small miracles. ]

[ In the meantime, they have a job to do. Find Raava, defeat Unalaq, and clean up the recent mess. ]

[ Setting the scraps of dinner aside, he rises. ]

All right. I'll keep watch.

[ This may not be Heaven's War. There may not be enemy soldiers lurking on the fringes of the camp. But there are an infinitude of other threats. ]

[anatural]

[Any touch would have been welcomed, but he doesn't offer and she doesn't ask. She just curls up in the lean-to and tries to sleep.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ While she slips under the lean-to, Hei wraps the rabbit and fruit up in the kerchief. Positioned by the edge of the campsite, he is surprised at the lack of forest sounds. The jungles of South America were full of them, sly and furtive and skulking. But here it's as if he's caught in a noiseless vacuum sucked clean of life. No birds chirping. No forest animals scuttling beneath the underbrush. Nothing. ]

[ It's eerie, and somehow twice as strenuous as Heaven's War. At least there he'd schooled his ears to differentiate through the melange of sounds for early signals of danger. ]

[ Time unspools slowly. It's only at the first rosy glimmer of dawn does he leave his post, and slip into the lean-to. A cat-nap before their trek resumes is essential. Stretched beside Korra, not quite touching, it is a while before his body begins to undo the buttoned stress of its joints and unzip its clenched muscles; not long after this, he rolls over on his side and sees the outline of Korra's side in a cracked swathe of pale pink sunlight. He reaches out and draws the long fold of his coat across the companionable body, no thought disturbing the friendliness of his act, and then under the warmth of the covers he lays his hand on Korra's hip, and his eyelids drop, and he sleeps. ]

[anatural]

[At some point in the night, she rolls over and scooches closer, wrapping her arms around his waist and burrows her head against his neck. It's not the kind of thing she ever tried with Hei; they cuddled rarely, usually right after sex, and soon after falling asleep they'd both roll their separate ways. But her short (largely unfortunate) affair with Bolin has given her a taste for cuddling. Or perhaps not a taste, so much as gotten her used to it.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ What feels like ten minutes after he's dropped off to sleep, Hei jolts awake to tense alertness. Sunlight pours in watery yellow streams through the cracks in the lean-to. His hand goes straight for the blades, strapped under his shirt, before he blinks away the disorientation. Where the hell is he? And then he knows -- not in South America but the spirit world, looking for Raava, the light a perfect pitch and purity that signals it's close to six a.m. Time to get moving. ]

Dammit. Mor'ning.

[ It's muttered in disgust and broken grammar. Closing his eyes, Hei snuffles into the pile of hair he's found. Inhales and presses his nose into the soft mass until he bumps and rubs a skull. With a jolt of slow-seeping surprise, he realizes Korra has wrapped herself around him like a warm kudzu vine. Strands of her hair tangle in his lashes, redolent with travel and greenery and clinging microscopic particles drawn in from the air of Republic City -- or maybe the City -- as if Korra is carrying the seeds of home around with her. Beneath their two heads is a scratchy mound of fronds, impregnated with dust and dead leaves, and his next deep inhalation makes his nose draw up and lose a dry, dust-tickled sneeze into the hair surrounding his face. ]

[ Awareness fully regained, Hei scowls. Sits up, disengaging himself from Korra's tangle of limbs. He dismisses the clinginess as nothing more than a subconscious sign that Korra needs more comfort than she's letting on. As it is, the feel of her nestled against him feeds a resurgent flux of pleasant memories -- (how could he have gone without this for ten months?) -- and he has to discipline himself to avoid the temptation. ]

[ Lightly, he prods Korra's side. ]

Hey. Get up.

[anatural]

Mhrrrrh. [Still mostly unconscious, she thwacks him and grumbles protest — it could either be "No" or "Bo", it's hard to tell. But she sits up and rubs her eyes.]

What time is it?

[mortemscintilla]

Six in the morning.

[ The cold air has shrunk Hei's ardor and restored him to relative equanimity. He's satisfied when she sits up and rubs her eyes -- not fully functional but at least a quarter of the way there. After months of living with her, he is used to this; Korra can be characteristically slow to start so early in the day. Soon after he'd begun living in the Beach House, there had been a period during which he built up a head of frustration every morning; he'd prod Korra into reluctant motion, and vent his spleen at having to do so. Usually the girl had ignored his outbursts, and had never gotten any better at waking -- or even tried. But somewhere along the line Hei's impatience slunk off and never reappeared. Maybe it was because at this time of the day only, Korra was capable of being far crankier than him, a bullying moppet who lurched around, slurped down lychee shakes, gave him amazingly dirty looks, and left the bathroom a wet heated mess before banging out. As time had passed, Hei had been forced to yield his primacy with respect to the uncompromisingly prickly creature with whom he shared his mornings and to save any lecturing for later in the day, when Korra was malleable and chipper again. ]

[ The memories pass through him with a gust of unexpected -- not tenderness, but nostalgia. Reaching out, he smoothes the mussed hair back from Korra's face -- casual, almost incidental. Rises, then brushes the crumbs of dirt from his clothes. ]

I'll get more water and some sage.

[ They can soak that in the dragonfruit shells and gargle it since there's no toothpaste or toothbrushes. ]

[anatural]

[She groans — no, not groans, growls — at the hour. Six? Why is she awake at six? What is the point of being up so early? What evil psychotic excuse of a shell of a human being would make her get up this early?

She growls, but she moves, because she knows the answer: she needs to find Raava. Sleeping won't help; Aang won't be coming to her in her dreams, or any other of her past lives. That connection is gone. The loss hits her at odd moments, the pain so intense she can actually feel it in her muscles, and then just as quickly gone again. It hasn't had time yet to settle into her bones and become a dull, constant throb. Hopefully she'll find Raava before it has a chance to.]

'mgoingtopee.

[When she's more awake, she'll flinch that she said that. Some things you just don't talk about, particularly with the boyfriend you haven't seen in ten months and weren't actually sure he was your boyfriend anymore. For now, she stumbles off into the bushes, awake enough to want a little privacy.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei doesn't laugh -- or if he does, it's a subvocal exhale. Unaware of any dire inner-struggle Korra might be wrestling with -- for now -- he lets her lurch off. Gathering the carved-out dragonfruit shells, he heads to the stream. Gives himself five minutes to wash off, stripping quickly, lathering and sluicing off speedily, missing only the bounce of dog-tags against his chest to recall his mornings in basic. Then he uses Korra's leather pelts, the fruit shells, and his wire, to craft more durable wineskins, something to be fastened around their waists and carried for long distances. He returns to the camp with the jostling containers, heavy with cold water, and a fresh supply of berries. He estimates that Korra will join the ranks of homo sapiens in another five minutes, but it will be closer to twenty minutes before she deserves another sapiens tacked to her name. ]

[ No problem; as long as the girl is ambulatory and dressed, sentient communication can wait. Hei prefers silence; another reason why he'd stopped his harangues. He'd learned that if he just helped quietly, nudging Korra through the morning rituals, they could proceed faster and without fuss. ]

[ Settled crosslegged at the camp, alert and clear-eyed, he listens to the ambient rustles of the jungle. The air has the same heavy grass-sweet tang as South America, and for a moment he's back in the war again, inhaling diesel and decay and spices, a mud that has caught in his mind the way it had once stuck in his boots. ]

[ Forcibly, he shakes it off. This isn't the same thing -- except for that fact that he is, once more, swept up in a war to be with a girl who's too precious and too strange for him. ]

[anatural]

[The first thing Korra notices when she gets back to the camp is the wineskins.]

You changed the waterskin things. [It hurts, though she knows it's stupid and she tries to make the comment conversational, not petulant. They do look better than the ones she made, but that's why it stings. Hers had been crude, but she'd been proud of the ingenuity it'd taken to make them. Of course it would be something Hei could do better. What can't he do better? He travels all over a strange world on his own, he can survive in any conditions, he whups her ass repeatedly in fights... In a weird way, it reminds her of when she first met Asami, and how every minute was like this big lit sign flashing THIS IS WHY YOU SUCK. She could picture it on a banner being hung from Aang's statue near Air Temple Island.

She knows it's just early morning grumps getting under her skin, but somehow that doesn't make it any better.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei pauses as Korra slews her gaze on him, dark within rings of blue. Full of hurt. He can't imagine why -- until she comments on the wineskins. Despite all Hei's efforts at mastering the nuances of insecurity that Korra brims with, it takes him a moment to comprehend why this matters. Korra's glum face -- just a flash, then gone -- seems to express that his modification to her invention -- to him an automatic, pragmatic necessity -- is to her an echoing sense of inadequacy, inadvertent but profound, a resonance of actions bouncing off that hidden iceberg of self-hatred she doesn't talk about. ]

[ Part of him wants to be irritated. To dismiss her fit of peevishness for what it is. But the other part of him knows what it's like to be where she is. Once upon a time, he'd spent every morning waking up feeling like he was never good enough. These days, it's a miracle if he wakes up feeling anything at all. He's not sure if that's progress. ]

[ Smoothing a hand over his face, he pretends to rub his eyes, before he says, almost dryly, ]

You still have ownership rights to the originals. I just ... accessorized.

[anatural]

[And now he's condescending. She glowers at him and throws herself on the ground.]

They look better. [Just acknowledge it and don't try to make her "feel better." Asshole. She reaches for the leftovers from last night's dinner.]