Who do you work for baby?

[mortemscintilla]

WHO: Korra & Hei
WHAT: Wherein Hei has important news. As does Korra. 

 

[ In the days that follow, Hei's life seems locked in stasis -- he may as well be frozen in a cryo-chamber. In the gray dawn every morning, the brute vestige of habit wakes him up in time to go to the factory. Sprawled on the futon, he lies with his back to Korra. Eyes open to watch the sun spread across the bottom of the windowsill, immersed in that strange post-sleep clarity. Sometimes he takes a full five minutes to rise, lulled by Korra's breathing: long, slow inhales, smooth exhales. Just a sliver of space dividing their bodies -- but it might as well be a minefield. ]

[ In the late evenings, stiff and dull-eyed, as if he's been engaged in a low-wattage war someplace, he hits up the Triad hotspots, propped up on a stool with the opium-puffing, betel-chewing low-lives, listening to the scratchy music on the jukebox and inhaling the sour whiff of spilled sake as they talk shop. Almost every night he gets fresh info about the Red Lotus -- their agendas, their movements. It never quite makes the eleven o'clock local news, but from what he's gathered so far, this new threat plans to transform the world into a free-for-all disaster zone, with public figures and political leaders toppled down nightly. ]

[ To separate fact from fiction, he turns to the air-bender held captive in his safehouse. She is tight-lipped and defiant at first. But after he's spread and u-clamped her fingers to a table, and meticulously dismantled them one by one from cuticle to knuckle, she grows chattier. From her, he learns the names of the Red Lotus' leaders. Learns of their failed attempts to kidnap Korra once before, which ended in them being locked up. ]

[ Now they're out, and determined to pick up where they left off. ]

[ The details leave Hei quietly unnerved. He needs to warn Korra. It's true, things have been tense since she'd learnt about his affiliation with the Triads. At home, it is as if they are guests at the same small hotel, who have been introduced for politeness' sake at the table d'hote. Meals are spent in near-silence. Little or no physical warmth passes between them; lying back-to-back in the futon each night, there seems nothing to distinguish the bleak well of sleep from the bleak stretches of wakefulness. They don't talk about desire. It is there -- in him, if not in her -- but as if by silent consent, he acts on it separately, or else not at all. The air in the house seems laced with a dark spell; it burns dim and low between them like creeping resignation.]

[ Still, her safety is his first priority. As the smoky dusk encroaches, he cuts a brisk path through the noise and steam and clamor of the city. Hops on a ferry, and heads to Air Temple Island, where Korra is training with Tenzin. ]

Comments

[anatural]

[She relaxes a fraction — it's not an immediate emergency. The sudden fear she felt that something had happened to Mako or Bolin fades. (Irrational, of course — why would Hei come to tell her that something had happened to them? 1) He doesn't like the boys 2) He's much more likely to take care of it himself)]

What?

[It has to be serious to bring him here.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Mako and Bolin? Even at a time like this, they're at the forefront of her mind? He'd be almost disgusted -- if he weren't so focused on the matter at hand. ]

Their leader is a man called Zaheer. Thirteen years ago, he and his group tried to abduct you. They failed and were locked away. Under interrogation, none of them would reveal why they were after you.

[ Until he'd wrung the rudimentary details from that air-bender -- piecing them together with the intel he'd gathered so far. The woman's words, all sibilant edges, still linger in his memory. I don't know why you're helping the Avatar, but we can help you. There's a new order coming. The power will return in the hands of the people, as will all that is their due. You could be one of the enlightened. There would be a place for you -- and what a person like you wants. ]

[ And he won't deny that, under his surface boredom, he was mildly intrigued by the fanaticism. Chess. Everyone played it. Slide your pawn across the board and hope for the best. A decade of gaming, maneuvering in the darkness: that has been his profession. As the airbender had talked, in the grey tunnels of his mind, his thoughts had twisted and darted: was he so bored? Could he be interested in anything, could he be played, could he play this to his own advantage, and what was it, really, that he wanted? Would he know it if he heard it? ]

[ Questions that swirl in him every day and night like phosphorus on restless waves. ]

[ Except, looking at Korra, it dissipates as if it never was. I have what I need. It's right in front of me. ]

[ A beat, then, ]

Korra. These people are anarchists. Part of a new world order, that believes in deposing authority figures. Royalty. Politicians. You. They believe in embracing chaos as the natural order.

[ Absolute bullshit. But he can understand the appeal. ]

[anatural]

[They're not at the forefront. But who else in Republic City would Hei come to Air Temple Island to tell her about? She can't imagine sweet little Yin getting into trouble.

Yin getting involved in gang activity would be easier to swallow than what he's telling her. They tried to kidnap her? She doesn't remember anyone trying to kidnap her. And what idiot thought that chaos would be good for people?]

That's ridiculous.

[mortemscintilla]

[ If sweet little Yin doesn't get into trouble, that's only because a certain obsessive and paranoid teammate watches her like a hawk. Of course that's neither here nor there. ]

It's why you were kept locked up by the White Lotus. For your safety. [ His eyes have picked up a knife-sharp gleam. He keeps them fixed on hers, as if to communicate the reams of risk she's in right now. ] You need to get in touch with Beifong. See if she can transport you somewhere safe, until we pinpoint exactly where this group is.

[ In addition, he'll have Yin send out her specter. Keep watch for any suspicious activity in the area. ]

[anatural]

What? No! [She glowers at him. How could he even say that?] I'm the Avatar. I can't run and hide at the first whisper of trouble.

[The pregnancy is so new and so unexpected that it completely flies from her thoughts; it doesn't occur to her that she has more than just her physical safety to worry about now.]

[mortemscintilla]

Don't forget everything that depends on you. And everything that could go wrong if this group captures you.

[ Hei, like Korra, is adamant by nature, not to mention blunt when required. But never before has he slammed a rebuke in her face in such a forceful fashion. Within him is still that residual older brother, the one who's protected his sister in the bloody fields of war, who is always balanced on the edge of taking matters into his own hands. But then he thinks of Pai's unhappiness when he'd made unilateral decisions at the cost of his own sanity. Thinks of Amber's highanded tactics to secure his safety, only to make a mess of their relationship in the bargain, to damage that bond of trust between them. ]

[ And so he dials it down a notch. Makes himself look pleadingly at Korra's face. The impulse passes. After a beat, he reaches out tentatively. Curls a palm around her shoulder, gently squeezing. He can almost feel the angry subdermal trembling of her nerves. ]

[ Quieter, ]

Yeah. You're the Avatar. But you're not invincible. Until you know how to defeat this threat, it's smarter to lie low.

[anatural]

[She knows he's right, of course. It's the same thing that happened with Amon. And yet it's even more galling because these people haven't conquered the whole city the way Amon had. On the surface, the city is the same as it's been. Why should she run now?

She takes a deep breath.]

Fine. [She hates it, but she's not the brash 17 year old she used to be. She can wait.]

[mortemscintilla]

Thank you.

[ It's quiet, not notable other than the fact that it happens at all. The set of his mouth is soft and small with a million other words tucked behind his lips. He knows what it must cost her to concede to this. Hei may be used to playing the long game, to shrugging layers of cowardice, calculation, brutality and kindness, off and on as the situation suits him. But Korra is still younger, feistier. And young enough now that he gazes at her from a distance of almost five years, the tunnel between them lengthening with all their differences. ]

[ Lightly, the pad of his thumb rubs her shoulder. It's the closest contact he's allowed himself to make these few weeks. He doesn't want to end it prematurely. ]

[ In a businesslike tone, he says, ]

We'll inform Tenzin, then head to the police headquarters. See what arrangements Beifong can make. [ Then, gentler, ] In the meantime ... are you sure everything's okay?

[ He may have been staying at an arm's length lately, just beyond the circumference of light shed by the 40 watt bulb dangling over their table at dinner, wreathing himself in the steam and roar of endless factory-shifts, of that hazy bar-aura of cigarette smoke and spilled alcohol. But that doesn't mean he's gone blind, apparently unaware of her more subtle reactions right now. ]

[anatural]

[That touch... A tremor runs through her, almost imperceptible. She's missed him so much. She's been too angry and hurt to admit it, even to herself, but she can feel it now, an ache that runs from where he's touching her to the tips of her fingers. She wants to wrap her arms around him, bury her face in the crook of his neck and take comfort in his warm, solid presence.

This comforting gentleness would vanish the minute he knew. He'd want to kill it, because that's how he handles problems — Bolin's kidnapping, her uncle. It's how he'd planned to handle her in the beginning. The thought, that this person she loves and who loves her had planned on killing her, is disconcerting, but it's part of his overall pattern of behavior. It's how he operates.]

Uh, no. I'm failing at my job as the Avatar and evidently a bunch of crazy anarchists want to kill me and everybody in power. Nothing's okay. [She forces one hand away from her stomach so she can reach out for the one at his side.] But it will be.

[mortemscintilla]

[ Yes, that's how he operates. Because he's inured to a life of violence and atrocity, of inequality and injustice, coercion and abuse. Because he's been trained to use emotions and touches as weapons and smokescreens; sketching out death-traps to immaculate detail as he whispers tendresses in his target's ears, or killing them as their heads hit the pillow, the moment the final flutter fades. Because he's seen butchery and kidnapping and exploitation and cruelty in every form possible. Because he's seen death. So much death. He's seen his teammates drop one by one like flies, seen the woman he once loved shrinking into stardust, seen time reversing itself and a cosmos swallowing itself whole. After all of this, he knows, each time he sifts through those memories casually as though scanning a hand of cards, that normal events don't affect him the way that they should, the way they would a normal man. ]

[ And he knows why. He just hates to admit it to himself: over the years he's become used to it. It is who he is now. His mind has conformed and adapted the best way that it knows how. He can't be anything else. ]

[ And the inkling of a baby ... It would never occur to him. Not just the idea of letting it live -- but the idea of having one at all. It's never something he's wanted, can never see himself wanting. Domestic bliss -- a life without danger and machinations and bloodshed is never a life he can envision living, not because it thrills him but because it is all he knows. He can pretend at fatherhood, at being a family guy; he knows how to tuck his sharp edges away, to play the quintessential docile housepet. But to be one? Nurturing and caring and selfless -- it is the biggest weakness. After Pai, he's already let himself love one other person. Two isn't a risk he is willing to take. ]

[ When Korra speaks, he thinks, dimly: She's lying about something. It's obvious: little miss Avatar practically grows a Pinocchio nose telling him she wasn't the one who put the empty milk container back in the fridge. But exactly what she's hiding, he can't put his finger on. ]

[ So he ignores it. She reaches for his hand, and, aching with love and relief and frustration, he circles her in with one arm. A loose but possessive hug, enveloping her shoulders and stroking between her shoulder blades, up along the back of her neck. (It's from Pai, from Amber, that he's learned to hug. A powerful gift of touch to supplant words that were too risky to be spoken.) ]

[ Loosening his grip, he regards her face. His lips move, a quiet, rueful redundancy. ]

It will.

[anatural]

[Let's be real — baby or no baby, simple domestic bliss is never going to be Korra's life for long. The last Water Tribe Avatar had been lackadaisical, go-with-the-flow, but Korra will always need to be in the thick of things. The world won't let her be peaceful for long.

She both relaxes and tenses in his arms; aching to be held again, yet absurdly afraid that if he comes to close, he'll discover what she hasn't said.]

So... time to break the news to Tenzin, I guess.

[mortemscintilla]

[ Maybe that's what draws him to Korra? A prodigy who forces herself to walk with childlike grace on the balanced edge of a razor, who deliberately chooses everything that is epic in proportion and difficult in life over everything easeful and easy -- loving someone like that is brutal and exactly the sort of challenge Hei is built to rise to. Constancy and the ability to thrill -- these rarely dwell within the same person. But when you find both, you have to seize the chance and hold on to it. ]

[ Hugging her now, he can feel that low buzz of tension. Again, he can't quite put his finger on it. Instead he skims his hands around her back, squeezing gently, wanting to ease her strain, before he reluctantly detaches. ]

Yeah.

[ Keeping the fingers of one hand folded with hers, he tugs. Leads her away from the beach -- but is unable to leave an amorphous unease, a flicker of premonition, behind. ]

[anatural]

[They walk back to the temple in a silence that's almost comfortable. Like this, she can almost pretend that the past few weeks haven't happened and nothing has changed between them. It's not like what she saw was really a surprise. She's known the kind of person he is for awhile, and chosen to ignore it because she loves him and he never shoved it in her face. If he could just go back to not reminding her with how late he comes home, the way he reeks of booze & drugs...

That's not going to work anymore. She can pretend that he doesn't have an unsavory way of gathering information, but neither of them can pretend there's not a baby once it's there, once she really starts showing.

Lost in her own thoughts, she doesn't notice that they're approaching Kya. The older waterbender immediately notices the way they're holding hands and smiles.]

See? I told you he'd react better than you expected.

[Korra goes stiff as Kya wraps them both in a warm hug.]

Congratulations, both of you.

[Shit.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei is completely unaware of her fears. Unaware -- for now -- of that curl of surprise burgeoning in her belly. In a knot of conflicting strategies, thinking about the Red Lotus, he's too busy wondering how Korra can be best protected. How the threat to her can be eliminated. At the first sign of trouble, his first doubts and paranoia, it's easy for him to default to the professional tools and tactics that in their proper context divide the world into operators and assets, assassins and targets. Ironic, too, because his concern for Korra is purely personal. Because Korra had gotten through to him precisely by bypassing his Contractor's persona and somehow accessing the person beneath it. ]

[ He glances sideways at Korra, in that way he's so good at. Maybe that's why it's so important for me not to lose her. He's hidden himself for so long behind an accretion of lies and layers, masks and manipulations. The few glimpses he's had of his real self -- or the fragments of self left intact -- has disgusted him. ]

[ Except around Korra. With her, it's easy to feel like a real, cohesive, mostly complete person. Not always a happy one, but at least someone whose face isn't claylike, masklike, a facsimile. ]

[ He squeezes her hand as they approach a beaming Kya. A silent instruction that they should tell her about the Red Lotus. But Kya's words -- her unexpected hug -- make a dizzying mess of his intentions. ]

'Congratulations?'

[ It's not 'Li's voice. But it's too bewildered to carry Hei's usual edge. Suddenly his exposed skin feels so chilly he can't feel his hands or face. When he tightens his grip around Korra's fingers, it's both with the anxiety of a boy treading into deep waters, and a hunter making sure his quarry doesn't escape. ]

What's going on?

[anatural]

[Kya backs off immediately.]

Wait, you didn't tell him? But — you're holding hands — I thought —

[Korra's in full panic. She'd been terrified to tell him when they were alone, but having him find out like this is the worst possible way she can think of. Now there's no hope of her having time to get her thoughts and feelings in order, no chance to figure out how to handle it.]

There's a group called the Red Lotus and they want to kill all the world leaders including me. We need to talk to Tenzin.

[The words come out in a jumbled rush. It's the only way she can think of to delay the inevitable.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei glances from Kya's mortified face to Korra's stricken one. Blinks once, twice as Korra babbles in a wild landslide about the Red Lotus, panic leaping in short shocks off her skin. A moment of quiet hangs in the air, punctuated by the push and pull of the tide and he's perfectly still. Another beat and he tips his chin, eyes narrowed and fingers lacing tighter with Korra's. ]

[ When he speaks, finally, it's -- ]

What the hell is going on?

[ His voice is mild but that hard-gravel pitch is a full octave lower than Li's usual range. He waits to see anything shutter over the two women's faces, and thinks -- fuck. He's waited longer for worse things. There's no hurry for better. ]

[anatural]

[Kya looks between the two of them like she's not sure where her attention should go. After a moment, she comes to a decision.]

I'll go find Tenzin. You two go sit in there and talk. [She reaches out and squeezes Korra's shoulder sympathetically, but doesn't budge at the younger girl's look of utter terror and betrayal. Before leaving, she leans in and whispers "You can do this."

No I can’t. Even as Korra walks with Hei into the little conference room, she contemplates bending the earth open and disappearing into the planet's crust. She has to hide from the Red Lotus, doesn't she? Two birds with one stone. Perfect plan. Let's do it.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei watches Kya go, and his heart skips like a stone over deep water before time resumes. It takes him by surprise, but then, he's always been good at catching the currents of tension in the air. Right now it radiates most strongly off of Korra: she feels like a quartz rod at his side, giving off dizzying waves of energy. ]

[ Mechanically, he follows her to the narrow room. Although the window is open, he can barely breathe; the air in the room feels stifling, spent. His gaze drops to where he's holding her hand, a light tremor running through the fingers, like he's not sure if it's okay to do something as simple as touch her anymore. In the next beat, almost like he loses physical courage, his palm drops back down to his side. ]

[ When he speaks, it's low and calm, a barrier against the tide of anxiety swelling within. ]

Korra. What's happened?

[ Is she sick? Is she going away somewhere? His mind shuffles through the list of options, but none of them connects to the present. None of them sheds any light on the way she's acting. ]

[anatural]

[He drops her hand, and it's like a knife to her gut. He doesn't even know yet and he can't touch her. She looks at the past few weeks and can see them stretching out for nine months. Longer. Who knows if he'll even stick around after she tells him she's not going to terminate the pregnancy. He'll disappear, because that's the other thing he likes to do, and Korra will be doing this on her own.

You’re not alone. Korra reminds herself what Kya said. She has Kya, Tenzin and Pema, Jinora, her parents, Master Katara... She's surrounded by people who support her. She takes a deep breath.]

I'm pregnant.

[She can't think of a way to soften the news, so she just puts it out there.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Pregnant. The words, rather than being spoken, seem rather to materialize before him, as if printed on a bright red balloon. A balloon floating dangerously close to a pin. Then -- pop. Deflate, retract. Hei blinks, once, twice, and feels his face go blank as he processes, and processes, and processes, for three long heartbeats, before his stunned eyes seem to turn themselves inside out. His heart skips like a faulty stylus on a turntable. Chest tightening, skin draining of color. ]

[ To an impartial observer, he might seem like a man on the verge of a stroke. So filled with suffocating dread that he can't even express it. He's just white. ]

Damn...

[ It comes out in a seventeen-year-old's croak. He doesn't know what else to say. The hitch-skip in his chest intensifies, his body understanding fully even as his mind struggles to catch up. It makes no sense. They've been so careful. They've used protection each time. Except -- fuck it. He knows better than anyone that no birth control method is 100% effective. ]

[ In a blank, blindish way, he stares at Korra. Tries to pull himself together, but can't really manage it. He is still processing. Pregnant. He thinks he might be processing that possibly forever. If he doesn't blink out, between each airless breath, each juddering heartbeat. ]

[ Eventually, though, he's able to revert to some sort of operational default. He finds himself asking, ]

How far along?

[anatural]

[As she waits for him to react, Korra stops being quite so scared for herself and more scared for him. He looks like he's going to pass out. It might even be funny, if the circumstances weren't so...not. It's a relief when he finally speaks. Her voice is quiet, as though she's afraid to speak too loudly and break through his shock and release his anger.]

A few weeks... I had no idea until Kya told me earlier. She saw the change in my chi. She says it has a heartbeat.

[A heartbeat and, according to Southern Water Tribe custom, a soul. The Northern Water tribe believed that children didn't have souls until they left the womb; their spirit came to them with their first breath. For all its sexism, the predominance of female healers helped ensure that the mother's health was always top priority. And as family was considered part of the woman's sphere, it was of course up to the woman to decide how many children she would have. But of course, the Northern Water Tribe was large and flourished even during Sozin's War, while their sister tribe has always been small, and particularly after the Fire Nation attacked, on the verge of dying out. Preventing pregnancy was acceptable, though not encouraged, but once pregnancy happened, the baby came first. Even Katara, who was the tribe's strongest proponent of physical and sexual autonomy for women, balked at the North's willingness to terminate pregnancies at any point. She had a tribe to restore, and a nation of airbenders to bring back from extinction.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei hears her words as if from under the pounding ocean. It is exactly like being underwater, like trying to stay upright in heavy surf while the sand is sucked from beneath your feet. His face is wan, drawn, with a sharp little indent between the brows. ]

A few weeks...

[ He is aware of the almost sacred emphasis the Southern Water Tribe places on children. But it's not one he can share. He's never given any thought to children. He's a killer, a Contractor. They don't care about posterity. They are posterity -- their own past, present, and future. And the Hei who had navigated through the world differently ... Well, he'd died the day the stars fell from the sky. Died with his real name, with the memories of his parents and his still-innocent sister. Died before he had a chance to grasp anything he'd thought he wanted, and no matter how many decades the Black Reaper might exist in the human sphere, how passionately he might fuck his women, he'll leave nothing of himself behind when his end comes. A dead breeder of death. That's just the way it is. ]

[ He's never expected anything different. ]

[ Swallowing, he tries for a level voice. ]

It's still early. Tell me you're not going to -- ?

[ Keep it? He can't bring himself to say that. But he can't yet bring himself to demand she send it down the toilet, either. ]

[anatural]

Hei, it has a heartbeat. [She'd expected his resistance, and yet somehow she's still indignant that he could even ask. Of course she's keeping it!]

[mortemscintilla]

That doesn't make it a person. Not yet.

[ His voice is low, rough, and his look carries a flat precision that doesn't betray his interior. He's pretending at logic and calm, but he feels shipwrecked, his pulse a cartwheel, his heart a small, grotesque thing uncoiling behind the cage of his ribs, ready to do battle with the cold-eyed Reaper at the helm of his brain, to plead mercy with his trigger-loaded instincts -- an epic battle of judge, jury, executioner, all rolled up inside him. ]

[ Swallowing dryly, he rubs his temples, then scrubs all ten fingers distractedly through his hair. ]

It's just a fertilized egg. It's unaware of its own existence and does not have a brain. If you end it, it won't even know it existed.

[ He needs to make her understand that. (More to the point, he needs to make himself understand that. It's why he keeps referring to the fetus as It. It is distancing, objectifying. The kind of thing many Syndicate operatives learn to do before pulling the trigger.) ]

[anatural]

It does to me. [Any ambivalent feelings she might have had herself, internal debates on how much she accepted the south's ideas on pregnancy and life, vanish in the face of his arguments. He's an outsider attacking her culture, and she will defend it.] And while that may not matter to you, I care. I'm not going to end a life just because it's inconvenient.