Who do you work for baby?
Aug. 15th, 2014 05:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mortemscintilla posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
fuse_boxWHO: Korra & Hei
WHAT: Wherein Hei has important news. As does Korra.
WHAT: Wherein Hei has important news. As does Korra.
[ In the days that follow, Hei's life seems locked in stasis -- he may as well be frozen in a cryo-chamber. In the gray dawn every morning, the brute vestige of habit wakes him up in time to go to the factory. Sprawled on the futon, he lies with his back to Korra. Eyes open to watch the sun spread across the bottom of the windowsill, immersed in that strange post-sleep clarity. Sometimes he takes a full five minutes to rise, lulled by Korra's breathing: long, slow inhales, smooth exhales. Just a sliver of space dividing their bodies -- but it might as well be a minefield. ]
[ In the late evenings, stiff and dull-eyed, as if he's been engaged in a low-wattage war someplace, he hits up the Triad hotspots, propped up on a stool with the opium-puffing, betel-chewing low-lives, listening to the scratchy music on the jukebox and inhaling the sour whiff of spilled sake as they talk shop. Almost every night he gets fresh info about the Red Lotus -- their agendas, their movements. It never quite makes the eleven o'clock local news, but from what he's gathered so far, this new threat plans to transform the world into a free-for-all disaster zone, with public figures and political leaders toppled down nightly. ]
[ To separate fact from fiction, he turns to the air-bender held captive in his safehouse. She is tight-lipped and defiant at first. But after he's spread and u-clamped her fingers to a table, and meticulously dismantled them one by one from cuticle to knuckle, she grows chattier. From her, he learns the names of the Red Lotus' leaders. Learns of their failed attempts to kidnap Korra once before, which ended in them being locked up. ]
[ Now they're out, and determined to pick up where they left off. ]
[ The details leave Hei quietly unnerved. He needs to warn Korra. It's true, things have been tense since she'd learnt about his affiliation with the Triads. At home, it is as if they are guests at the same small hotel, who have been introduced for politeness' sake at the table d'hote. Meals are spent in near-silence. Little or no physical warmth passes between them; lying back-to-back in the futon each night, there seems nothing to distinguish the bleak well of sleep from the bleak stretches of wakefulness. They don't talk about desire. It is there -- in him, if not in her -- but as if by silent consent, he acts on it separately, or else not at all. The air in the house seems laced with a dark spell; it burns dim and low between them like creeping resignation.]
[ Still, her safety is his first priority. As the smoky dusk encroaches, he cuts a brisk path through the noise and steam and clamor of the city. Hops on a ferry, and heads to Air Temple Island, where Korra is training with Tenzin. ]
[ In the late evenings, stiff and dull-eyed, as if he's been engaged in a low-wattage war someplace, he hits up the Triad hotspots, propped up on a stool with the opium-puffing, betel-chewing low-lives, listening to the scratchy music on the jukebox and inhaling the sour whiff of spilled sake as they talk shop. Almost every night he gets fresh info about the Red Lotus -- their agendas, their movements. It never quite makes the eleven o'clock local news, but from what he's gathered so far, this new threat plans to transform the world into a free-for-all disaster zone, with public figures and political leaders toppled down nightly. ]
[ To separate fact from fiction, he turns to the air-bender held captive in his safehouse. She is tight-lipped and defiant at first. But after he's spread and u-clamped her fingers to a table, and meticulously dismantled them one by one from cuticle to knuckle, she grows chattier. From her, he learns the names of the Red Lotus' leaders. Learns of their failed attempts to kidnap Korra once before, which ended in them being locked up. ]
[ Now they're out, and determined to pick up where they left off. ]
[ The details leave Hei quietly unnerved. He needs to warn Korra. It's true, things have been tense since she'd learnt about his affiliation with the Triads. At home, it is as if they are guests at the same small hotel, who have been introduced for politeness' sake at the table d'hote. Meals are spent in near-silence. Little or no physical warmth passes between them; lying back-to-back in the futon each night, there seems nothing to distinguish the bleak well of sleep from the bleak stretches of wakefulness. They don't talk about desire. It is there -- in him, if not in her -- but as if by silent consent, he acts on it separately, or else not at all. The air in the house seems laced with a dark spell; it burns dim and low between them like creeping resignation.]
[ Still, her safety is his first priority. As the smoky dusk encroaches, he cuts a brisk path through the noise and steam and clamor of the city. Hops on a ferry, and heads to Air Temple Island, where Korra is training with Tenzin. ]
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Date: 2014-08-21 02:34 am (UTC)[ His body, spilled bonelessly underneath hers, flexes in a catlike stretch. He glances up at her moist flushed face, cradled in his, studying her with an inexpressive half-lidded facade that might be hidden tenderness or regret or ... or what, Hei has no idea. His feelings on the pregnancy keep pinwheeling, from surprise to dismay, from anger to excitement. He has no idea what to settle on. ]
[ But he knows, for an irrefutable fact, that he can't just float along on the Sparkling Hormonal Sea into making the baby real. Korra's mind may be made up, but his isn't. If he can still appeal to an iota of logic inside her, he can convince her to terminate the pregnancy. Convince her not to throw her safety -- possibly her life -- away, as she seems so determined to. ]
[ What if you can't? ]
[ Again, he shrugs it off. The idea of keeping the baby makes him itchy and twitchy. Like he isn't sure whether he's gone out and left the iron on, only to the tenth power. Letting his eyes slip shut, he gathers Korra closer. Making a pillow for her with his body, his arms a warm heavy circle to keep her close. A dream-drowsy moment passes, then two. ]
[ Finally, in a half-whisper: ]
Are you serious? About ... having this baby?
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Date: 2014-08-21 01:14 pm (UTC)Of course I am. No matter what you say or how much you hate it. This is something I have to do. [For a million and one reasons too complicated to explain, or perhaps just prefers not to. Hei will always find holes to pick in her reasons, inconsistencies and counter-arguments. He is a master of mind games and Korra knows she can't take him in that arena. The most powerful tool she has is unwavering conviction.]
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Date: 2014-08-21 08:16 pm (UTC)[ In gloom, his eyes are two dull glints, their orbits rigid with tension and something like fear. ]
No one is holding a gun to your head, Korra. Just think about it for a second. You're one of the most powerful people in the city. You have a safety net. You have everything the world can offer. That makes it easy to throw it away because you will always have it.
[ His voice is measured, but something simmers under the surface. His psyche feels a hundred miles deep from crust to heart; it is impossible to know how many layers of angst are trapped at his core. ]
There are women who have no choice but to have babies. For a hundred pathetic reasons. Maybe they're married to guys who give them no say in the matter. Maybe they can't afford birth-control. Maybe an extra pair of hands is the only smart investment. But these are women who are poor, and powerless, and desperate, and have nowhere else to go. You may have made your choice. But you can unmake it. I don't want --
[ A pause, long and tense, like the silence he so easily uses to retreat in is something he doesn't quite know how to navigate right now. In a different voice, almost inaudible, ]
I don't want anything happening to you. Especially because of some imaginary obligation.
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Date: 2014-08-22 02:05 am (UTC)And the worst part is, he usually does. His concern almost makes her...not change her mind, but feel softer towards him. Then he blows it.]
It’s not imaginary! [Belittling her, trying to make her feel she's stupid, crazy, childish. She hates it when he does that.]
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Date: 2014-08-22 02:28 am (UTC)[ At her outburst, his gut knots with tension and renewed anger, less at Korra than at the situation they're stuck in, at the evil sons-of-bitches who are after her, who are unwittingly making the prospect of a baby worse, uglier, riskier. ]
[ Sighing, Hei shifts uncomfortably in the narrow bed, biting his tongue. Climbs to his feet, after a few crawling moments of silence, to gather up his discarded clothes. But he doesn't put them on. Just folds them up, with Korra's, and puts them on the dresser. At the ceramic washbasin, he daubs himself clean with a wet soapy cloth, then stands blinking blearily into the mirror for a few minutes, spending far longer than necessary trying to decide if he should head out right now to get his and Korra's toiletries from the beach house, or worry about it in the morning. ]
[ After two or three crawling minutes he walks away from the sink and resettles at the edge of the bed. Stoops forward, elbows on knees, and stares at a spot on the far edge of the floor where a tiny mite is crawling across the plaster. He listens to Korra, who is breathing heavily against her pillow, the air around her shimmering with hurt and anger. ]
[ Eventually, without looking at her, he murmurs, ]
I'm sorry. [ He can't remember another time when he's apologized so often and so easily. But at the same time, a voice inside him prods nastily, What does that mean, exactly? That you're sorry? He shakes it off. Takes a slow considering breath, then says, ] I know you think I hate this. But I don't. I can't tell you ... how happy, and thrilled a part of me feels. Ending it, it tears me up. It does. But it'll tear me up worse if you get hurt because of this.
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Date: 2014-08-22 02:56 am (UTC)Tenzin's voice crept into her mind. You know, Korra, meditation isn’t just for special sessions. You can meditate at any time. Just concentrate on your breathing.
She breathes in as deeply as she can, holds it for a moment, then lets everything out. Repeats, and repeats again. Each breath consumes more of her attention, until there's nothing left for her worries, doubts, and fears — or for Hei's pretty speeches.]
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Date: 2014-08-22 03:13 am (UTC)[ Tentatively, Hei peers at her. Under the tossed tangles of hair, her face seems caught up in the hypnotic allure of detachment, a kind of drifting zone. Her eyes are closed, she has that rare, serene, Buddha-like aspect that has secretly always fascinated him, as if she is channeling some ancient force, something cryptic and timeless. Or perhaps she is just asleep. ]
[ He doesn't know. He's not at all tired, despite his heavy limbs and pounding head. But he stretches out awkwardly on the bed next to Korra, anyway. Spoons against her in the mattress's warm declivity, while wondering if the frame will hold. Enfolding her, Hei hesitates a beat, then, on impulse, fans his hand across her stomach. ]
[ An idea -- cruel, seductive, sly -- flits through his mind. He could end this right now. One tiny zap, and the bundle of cells inside her would fry to extinction. Would come out in bloodied chunks, probably within a week. Problem solved. He could do it, so easily. ]
[ Except he never can. What a pity. ]
[ Instead, letting his forehead knock gently against Korra's, Hei watches her with half-lidded eyes -- wondering where she's drifted off to. Wondering too, if he'd follow, if he only knew how to. ]