good enough to eat

[anatural]

WHO: Hei & Korra
WHAT: You don’t want to know.

[One of the many problems with fighting with Hei — the makeup sex is really good. If it sucked, then maybe they wouldn't fight so often.

Korra finds herself contemplating this as she stirs awake. A glance out the window tells her there's still a few hours until dawn. Every part of her aches, but it's a good ache, like the burn of good exercise. Which, if you think about it, sex is. Particularly with Hei.

Yawning, she turns her head to look at her bed partner. She's missed being able to do this. Just watching someone sleep is both creepy and boring, but these little glances in the middle of the night are different. They're like subconscious surprise inspections, making sure he's here and close. Once he's passed, she can go back to sleep.

She tries to do that now, but it's not working. She's mauled all over, covered in sweat and spit and come; she wants a shower. Then her stomach grumbles, loud and angry, and she remembers that she'd hardly touched her dinner. She'd been so excited to see Chekov again, and then she & Hei had...well...

Her stomach grumbles again. Yeah. She needs food.]

Comments

[mortemscintilla]

[ As a rule, there's only so much teasing Hei can stand. He's gotten better at being less wham-bam-thank-you about his encounters, but he still has little patience for too much frippery surrounding the one big thing. His legs slide further apart, his body weds itself gracefully to the bed, synapses flaring as she works him over with her mouth. He wants to grab her by the hair, coax her lips wide open and drive between them, a rapid sloshing friction. Wants a full-body dick rub, playful and nasty: straddling her and rubbing himself across her face, neck, breasts, painting him wherever it feels good to thrust. ]

[ Instead he lets off a small humming sound, a sort of warning croon broken erratically by his labored breaths. Tugging at her hair, he catches her face in both hands. Drags her close to kiss her, tongue-fucking her with relish, at turns greedy and angry, forceful and reassuring. ]

Rubbers. [ is all he can exhale, and it takes him a minute to realize he's speaking Portuguese. Switching languages, he amends, ] Condoms. In the bedside drawer.

based in part on RL experience

[anatural]

Huh? [As if the sudden yank up wasn't disconcerting enough, he starts talking in one of the languages she doesn't know. Is he cursing? Groaning? Having a stroke?

Condoms. Yes, that makes a lot more sense. She leans over and reaches for the drawer — reaches, but it's just a little too far. Evidently at some point in the evening they'd shoved the table away from the bed. Come on, Korra! She tries again.]

Mmph!

[And half falls out of the bed, her hands the only thing saving her nose from meeting the floor. Awkward.]

ROFL I LUFF U xDDD

[mortemscintilla]

[ That's Korra for you. Graceful as the curve of a rainbow. The display -- and the narrow save -- deserves applause, or perhaps a sputtering of chuckles. Hei merely smiles, though a tiny muffled sound not unlike a snort does make itself heard. Because she's a goddamn marvel -- a burning little deity in clumsy human clothes -- and he is a jagged, crooked earthdweller, but he has her in his grasp. Literally. ]

[ With an unwieldy care, he scoops her up. Settles her against his chest, smoothing the haphazard tassels of her hair off her face with a gentle palm. The other hand reaches out to rummage out the necessities from the drawer. He skins the condom on quickly. Shifting, taking his cock in shaky fingers, guiding it to the slick place beneath the sprig of curls at her mons. ]

[ Gathering her close, absorbing the vee of released body heat that breathes against his sensitized erection, Hei kisses her -- a wet soft flutter of lips. ] All this finesse -- you'll spoil me, [ he murmurs, his tone falling somewhere between sarcasm and breathless affection. ]

except for the sex part, totally true story

[anatural]

[She could've gotten herself back up — have you seen her guns? She could lift mountains with those things! But if he wants to pick her up, well, that's okay too. She bites his neck as he teases her.]

I already spoil you. [With how often they have all kinds of kinky sex and how few times she's said "no" to his requests, yeah, he's totally spoiled. The fact that she gets just as much pleasure from the experience as he does doesn't change that.

As if to prove her point, she sinks down onto him, not little by little but in one fell swoop.]

>3

[mortemscintilla]

[ She takes him in -- an exquisite slippery-slide, the clench of muscle swallowing him down hotly. And Hei can't help the shudder that rides up his spine, the sweet shock rendering him momentarily slack-jawed. His arms circle her, tightly, reflexively. One palm spanning the curve of her lower-back and the other cupping her cheek, nudging at her jaw until she's within reach to kiss again. Languid, sloppy, just a wet painbrush flicker of lips and tongue. Intimate, in a way their hurried adrenaline-filled nights have rarely been. ]

[ After a few breathless beats, he settles back against the pillows. Taking her with him -- a gorgeous weight astride his body, elbows and arms sinking on either side of his head as he coaxes her to bend over him. Trapping him in the burnt-brown corona of her dangling hair, letting his focus get caught the sweetsalty mineral tang of her skin and another, more profound scent: something hormonal and raw. ]

[anatural]

[The intimacy is all the sweeter for being rare. At this point in her life, having been in a relationship with him for as long as she has, Korra's not sure she could handle constant intimacy. She likes their fast, hard, hormonal fucks, and she likes the long hours of torture and challenge. Neither preclude intimacy, but they're much more about the body than the heart, and that's what she likes about it. Her feelings are constant; she doesn't have to re-affirm them every time they touch.

She rolls her hips, rocking him back & forth inside her, squeezing her muscles to add to the pressure. Wanting, in all ways, to keep him close.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ She's not sure she could handle constant intimacy -- and he doubts he's equipped to offer it. If he forced himself to try, it'd be like dissembling. Like they're two people in a play, all surface-sweetness but no raw substance to prop up that weight of expectation. He's tried it on for size with other women, once or twice. It's never lasted long. Each time, he's gotten cruel, needling, sarcastic, distant. He'd push and pull, lash out and bite, turn coldly condescending when they placated him. They'd give and give and give, like malleable, half-asleep chewtoys. ]

[ The smart ones with any kind of survival instinct woke up and left. The ones rendered stupid by love let him grind them to paste and became irrelevant. He didn't destroy them. He didn't have to. After a while, their selves just turned to liquid, leaked down through the floorboards, and were gone. ]

[ He hopes -- hopes -- it won't be that way with him and Korra. ]

[ She rocks against him -- and his thoughts crumble to gingerbread, a ripple of two different sensations suffusing him, feeding a twitch to his torso and his cock simultaneously. Breath rasps low and jittery between his teeth as he stirs beneath her, tight circling movements of his hips, so his swollen length bumps wickedly against the hot spot inside her. He's always liked the straight-missionary position with her, boring as it sounds -- the way it's so friction-grindy and deep. But this is almost as good. Wearing her like a holster -- foreheads brushing and meeting, so he has an unimpeded view of those blue eyes melting fuzzily into his; the slippery skid of her skin; the wet-hot-slick clench of her sex and the hot weight of her; a delicious Korra-scented tangle of hair and limbs. ]

[ (He can't remember why he used to be so repulsed by this.) ]

[anatural]

[It takes a lot to grind another person to paste. Cruelty alone isn't enough; you need isolation from any kind of support network or any other sense of purpose. That will never happen with Korra. The only thing more inescapable than her friends & family is her duty as the Avatar. He can scratch and marr and rough the surface, but her core will always be safe so long as she has those things. (It's not as solid a foundation as she thinks.)

She shifts a little as she rocks, trying to ease the pressure on her forearms, find an angle that's a little less awkward. Even so, the awkwardness doesn't distract or detract from her pleasure.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ She shifts, and Hei readjusts his grip. Gathering her in closer, wet skin on wet skin, jerking his hips forward hard, his cock up as far as it will go, until he feels low hums begin to break like iridescent bubbles against his mouth, rising from his throat. He wishes he could tell her how much he likes this; the way she pushes him to the edge and keeps him there, that feeling of being on the tip of a knife and not knowing which way to fall. It's a moment of blissful emptiness, one where he forgets about almost everything -- all his secrets, the lies he's told, the people he's been -- because it's Korra, and she's never asked him to be anyone other than himself. ]

[ Even if that self -- in all its tangled barbs and tar-black hollowness -- is something he wants to protect her from, as much as from the looming threat of real enemies. ]

[ Rocking under her, he tangles the fingers of one hand into her hair. Dragging her close, catching her mouth with his -- deep gulping kisses that deny her even a moment to catch her breath or hold it. Hips grinding at a reverberant, relentless pace as he dips his free hand between their bodies, tugging the wet tuft of curls between her legs before catching her clit with the rolling pad of his thumb. ]

[anatural]

[Just a little touch between her legs but she can feel it throughout her entire body. She shudders and whimpers into his mouth. It's no fair... He doesn't have anything like her clit that she can touch to push him just a little bit farther. Nothing she can reach — his balls are in a pretty awkward position, and his nipples aren't sensitive. She bites his lip as hard as she can instead and moves her hips faster.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ She rocks faster, her teeth a delightful sting against his lip, and Hei sprawls back against the pillows thankfully, the length of his body gleaming with heat, dizzied by the sensation of her sex slickly gripping and easing around his cock like a sucking mouth. His kisses grow hungrier, tongue forcing her open, painting greedy wet swirls around her mouth while his hands rove over all those beautiful landmines across her skin. ]

[ Because, fuck, her whole body is marked with mines -- dangerous things like those round hard-tipped breasts, that arc of dark sweet throat, wings of hipbones and that fleshy bottom and the thick cluster of curls at her thighs. Places that, if he gets too close, or lingers too long with his mouth and hands, will make him go off -- just like that. ]

[ He'll explode, his brain no more than a grateful spray of psychic confetti and blood-red corskscrews. ]

[anatural]

[What's wrong with exploding? Like a firework! Korra likes it when he goes off — watching the tension break and his body melt is really rather beautiful. And since he's gotten better about managing the aftermath, there's even an appreciable post-coital bliss.

So please, Hei, go ahead and explode. She's more than ready for it.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ His pace is getting rapid, savage. The headboard is a quiet clack-clack against the wall as he pumps into wet, tightly clenched flesh. Kisses deepening further, he fits one hand to Korra's throat -- not a threatening squeeze but a shaky caress that nonethless triggers a spike of even wilder arousal, mercury shooting up a thermometer, impelled by fever, boiling water, sparks. ]

[ Breaking the kiss, he can't take his eyes from Korra's face; all the progress of her pleasure is clearly written there, and it affects him like something enormous and terrible rolling in, a huge dark wave that is part pain, part bliss. His lips crush to hers again, openmouthed and messy, his breath stuck to his throat as he slurs something -- maybe her name, maybe an I love you in the only warped, bitten-off way he's capable of. ]

[ Then the climax rips from him by pure muscular force, vibrating flesh yielding its strikes, a stutter that ratchets under the skin and then erupts into stunning black-noise. ]

[anatural]

[He breaks, and so does Korra, in a wave of pleasure that knocks all the breath from her lungs.

And then she starts crying. Great, gasping, choking sobs that come from absolutely nowhere. This isn't like the first time they had sex, or that time he overturned the wardrobe and stormed out of the room right following. Nothing has happened except what happened twice before tonight and many times before that. It doesn't make any sense. She's supposed to come and then get sleepy, not cry as if her entire world is falling to pieces.

She rolls off of him and curls up as tightly as she can, trying to get her tears under control. The fact that she doesn't understand them only makes it harder; it's difficult to calm down when you can't stop asking yourself Why am I crying ]

[mortemscintilla]

[ What the hell...? ]

[ It comes out of nowhere. But meltdowns this ugly -- this overdue -- often do. One moment she's cresting against him, deep beautiful shudders, as if she's caught in a web of lightning. The next, the heat and sparkage diffuses; something breaks inside her and she floods into sobs. ]

[ A spasm of alarm goes through Hei. The old fear that he's been too rough; hurt her in some intimate way. Automatically, his arms close around her. But she's already rolling away. Bewildered, Hei props himself up on an elbow. Regards her blearily, as if waiting to give her a few minutes to compose herself. When she doesn't, he reaches out after a moment, stroking her flanks and back gently, willing her labored breathing to ease, ]

[ No such lull occurs. She's crying as if something has shattered inside her. ]

[ A beat passes, then two, before Hei swallows down the knot of confusion and anxiety in his chest. He's been up close and personal with damaged people in dozens of different strains and species. He's learnt quickly how to gauge their tensions and safety valves; recognize the flame-flavored explosives, the doe-eyed emollients. He knows the shock of a recent crisis works its way through everyone's systems at different rates. Maybe this is Korra's breaking-point. ]

[ Quietly, he asks, ]

Do you want me to call someone?

[ Tenzin. A healer. Someone who can soothe her, or, if necessary, offer her a sedative. ]

[anatural]

[NO. She can't get the words out, but she shakes her head frantically. She doesn't want other people around. She doesn't want to give Tenzin and the others a reason to keep treating her like she's made of glass. She already feels like they've forgotten she's strong. She just wants to not be crying.

Except crying is kind of like its own form of orgasm. She hates that she can't control it, but it feels really good. And when she finally stops, it's with the same jelly-limbed boneless feeling she gets after a particularly intense climax. She buries her face in the pillow and tries to focus on her breathing.

After a moment, almost shyly, one of her hands reaches back, searching for his. She doesn't have the breath to say it, but she'd really like a hug right now.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ She is strong. In ways Hei often forgets, because he can't emulate them. The disasters of his past have cored him out, ruining him in unfixable ways. He's made his surface hard as steel, but he's also made himself brittle. He can no longer bend into new shapes. Instead he gets broken into them. Crushed into them. ]

[ Korra isn't like that. She's endured terrible tragedy. Yet each time, her psyche -- so fragile -- has wilted, crippled, broken, then coalesced into something new. Still whole, still flowing, like a ribbon of water. Maybe that's what he's fallen in love with? He may have the wisdom that comes from years of accrued baggage -- but she's the one who possesses the real resilience. ]

[ He waits, patiently, watchfully, for the rain-squall of grief to pass. When it fades, she's tear-streaked and subdued, as if some vast storm has touched her and is dissipating. Then her little fingers brush against his. Hei blinks a moment, confused, before he gets the message. ]

[ Carefully, he chucks the condom. Folds himself around her, moist-skinned and heavy, a warm bolster. Touching her lashes, webbed in thick tears, with his lips. His look is gentle and fond, but somehow pensive too. ]

[ Smoothing her hair with a rough-skinned palm, he murmurs, ]

It's not easy being Avatar Korra, is it? Thought I had my own troubles.

[anatural]

[She curls up as close to him as she can and buries her head in the crook of his neck.]

I guess that's been awhile coming. [She doesn't bother going into anymore detail than that. It's not like he doesn't know what her problems are — miscarriage, conflict between the spirit and physical worlds, the Red Lotus... What's the point of stating the obvious? The best thing to do is just keep moving forward.]

I think, when all this is over, we should go on a real vacation. The world can live without Avatar Korra for a little while.

[mortemscintilla]

[ No, there is no point in stating the obvious. So instead he lets her burrow closer, his nose buried in the soft damp heap of her hair. She smells saline and tangy, like something flung from the sea, or dipped in a wash of tears. Same thing, really. Isn't that grief exactly like an ocean? ]

[ Curling an arm around her, he drops a kiss to her moist forehead. Her tears streak his palm onto his hands where he cups her face, but her words, so hopeful and earnestly childlike, send something bittersweet bubbling up inside him. ]

Yeah. [ He can't explain why the idea appeals to him so much. Maybe it's just been a long time since he's had a vacation -- no ulterior motives, no missions, no targets. Something ... simple. Simple as in you like what you like, as if he has all the agency anyone else possesses. (He does, here, now that he thinks about it. This world is a crystal honeycomb, sparkling with new facets to explore.) ]

[ He kisses her again -- a soft flutter across her wet eyelids and the tip of her nose. ]

You've got a whole world to protect ... But there's more to it than the risks and responsibilities. You need to see that.

[anatural]

[A yawn interrupts her attempt to kiss him back.]

I'd like that. [She remembers, vaguely, the joy and excitement she used to always feel when bending. She'd like to feel that again too. A break from everything.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ A break from everything. The desire had welled up so often when he was a soldier. He can still remember Amber's hair floating like green tendrils at the corner of his eye, as sleek and ticklishly tempting as her words: Let's run away. Somewhere we can see the stars. The tangibility of that dream had faded when he'd made an enemy of the whole Syndicate -- though really, it'd been lost from that first flash of white that seared his eyes as he'd watched the stars fall. But now ... Korra's world is weird and raucous and frictional and too loud at times, yet with each passing day it's growing to be something like a haven. ]

[ It's nowhere near what he had once, true, but it's... Something. ]

We'll do it, then. [ The words are soft and seeded with humor, but they carry a promise held; a sustaining note. He bows his head, so his and Korra's foreheads touch, a circle of warmth. Quieter: ] Right now, you should try to get some sleep.