good enough to eat

[anatural]

WHO: Hei & Korra
WHAT: You don’t want to know.

[One of the many problems with fighting with Hei — the makeup sex is really good. If it sucked, then maybe they wouldn't fight so often.

Korra finds herself contemplating this as she stirs awake. A glance out the window tells her there's still a few hours until dawn. Every part of her aches, but it's a good ache, like the burn of good exercise. Which, if you think about it, sex is. Particularly with Hei.

Yawning, she turns her head to look at her bed partner. She's missed being able to do this. Just watching someone sleep is both creepy and boring, but these little glances in the middle of the night are different. They're like subconscious surprise inspections, making sure he's here and close. Once he's passed, she can go back to sleep.

She tries to do that now, but it's not working. She's mauled all over, covered in sweat and spit and come; she wants a shower. Then her stomach grumbles, loud and angry, and she remembers that she'd hardly touched her dinner. She'd been so excited to see Chekov again, and then she & Hei had...well...

Her stomach grumbles again. Yeah. She needs food.]

Comments

[anatural]

[What's wrong with exploding? Like a firework! Korra likes it when he goes off — watching the tension break and his body melt is really rather beautiful. And since he's gotten better about managing the aftermath, there's even an appreciable post-coital bliss.

So please, Hei, go ahead and explode. She's more than ready for it.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ His pace is getting rapid, savage. The headboard is a quiet clack-clack against the wall as he pumps into wet, tightly clenched flesh. Kisses deepening further, he fits one hand to Korra's throat -- not a threatening squeeze but a shaky caress that nonethless triggers a spike of even wilder arousal, mercury shooting up a thermometer, impelled by fever, boiling water, sparks. ]

[ Breaking the kiss, he can't take his eyes from Korra's face; all the progress of her pleasure is clearly written there, and it affects him like something enormous and terrible rolling in, a huge dark wave that is part pain, part bliss. His lips crush to hers again, openmouthed and messy, his breath stuck to his throat as he slurs something -- maybe her name, maybe an I love you in the only warped, bitten-off way he's capable of. ]

[ Then the climax rips from him by pure muscular force, vibrating flesh yielding its strikes, a stutter that ratchets under the skin and then erupts into stunning black-noise. ]

[anatural]

[He breaks, and so does Korra, in a wave of pleasure that knocks all the breath from her lungs.

And then she starts crying. Great, gasping, choking sobs that come from absolutely nowhere. This isn't like the first time they had sex, or that time he overturned the wardrobe and stormed out of the room right following. Nothing has happened except what happened twice before tonight and many times before that. It doesn't make any sense. She's supposed to come and then get sleepy, not cry as if her entire world is falling to pieces.

She rolls off of him and curls up as tightly as she can, trying to get her tears under control. The fact that she doesn't understand them only makes it harder; it's difficult to calm down when you can't stop asking yourself Why am I crying ]

[mortemscintilla]

[ What the hell...? ]

[ It comes out of nowhere. But meltdowns this ugly -- this overdue -- often do. One moment she's cresting against him, deep beautiful shudders, as if she's caught in a web of lightning. The next, the heat and sparkage diffuses; something breaks inside her and she floods into sobs. ]

[ A spasm of alarm goes through Hei. The old fear that he's been too rough; hurt her in some intimate way. Automatically, his arms close around her. But she's already rolling away. Bewildered, Hei props himself up on an elbow. Regards her blearily, as if waiting to give her a few minutes to compose herself. When she doesn't, he reaches out after a moment, stroking her flanks and back gently, willing her labored breathing to ease, ]

[ No such lull occurs. She's crying as if something has shattered inside her. ]

[ A beat passes, then two, before Hei swallows down the knot of confusion and anxiety in his chest. He's been up close and personal with damaged people in dozens of different strains and species. He's learnt quickly how to gauge their tensions and safety valves; recognize the flame-flavored explosives, the doe-eyed emollients. He knows the shock of a recent crisis works its way through everyone's systems at different rates. Maybe this is Korra's breaking-point. ]

[ Quietly, he asks, ]

Do you want me to call someone?

[ Tenzin. A healer. Someone who can soothe her, or, if necessary, offer her a sedative. ]

[anatural]

[NO. She can't get the words out, but she shakes her head frantically. She doesn't want other people around. She doesn't want to give Tenzin and the others a reason to keep treating her like she's made of glass. She already feels like they've forgotten she's strong. She just wants to not be crying.

Except crying is kind of like its own form of orgasm. She hates that she can't control it, but it feels really good. And when she finally stops, it's with the same jelly-limbed boneless feeling she gets after a particularly intense climax. She buries her face in the pillow and tries to focus on her breathing.

After a moment, almost shyly, one of her hands reaches back, searching for his. She doesn't have the breath to say it, but she'd really like a hug right now.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ She is strong. In ways Hei often forgets, because he can't emulate them. The disasters of his past have cored him out, ruining him in unfixable ways. He's made his surface hard as steel, but he's also made himself brittle. He can no longer bend into new shapes. Instead he gets broken into them. Crushed into them. ]

[ Korra isn't like that. She's endured terrible tragedy. Yet each time, her psyche -- so fragile -- has wilted, crippled, broken, then coalesced into something new. Still whole, still flowing, like a ribbon of water. Maybe that's what he's fallen in love with? He may have the wisdom that comes from years of accrued baggage -- but she's the one who possesses the real resilience. ]

[ He waits, patiently, watchfully, for the rain-squall of grief to pass. When it fades, she's tear-streaked and subdued, as if some vast storm has touched her and is dissipating. Then her little fingers brush against his. Hei blinks a moment, confused, before he gets the message. ]

[ Carefully, he chucks the condom. Folds himself around her, moist-skinned and heavy, a warm bolster. Touching her lashes, webbed in thick tears, with his lips. His look is gentle and fond, but somehow pensive too. ]

[ Smoothing her hair with a rough-skinned palm, he murmurs, ]

It's not easy being Avatar Korra, is it? Thought I had my own troubles.

[anatural]

[She curls up as close to him as she can and buries her head in the crook of his neck.]

I guess that's been awhile coming. [She doesn't bother going into anymore detail than that. It's not like he doesn't know what her problems are — miscarriage, conflict between the spirit and physical worlds, the Red Lotus... What's the point of stating the obvious? The best thing to do is just keep moving forward.]

I think, when all this is over, we should go on a real vacation. The world can live without Avatar Korra for a little while.

[mortemscintilla]

[ No, there is no point in stating the obvious. So instead he lets her burrow closer, his nose buried in the soft damp heap of her hair. She smells saline and tangy, like something flung from the sea, or dipped in a wash of tears. Same thing, really. Isn't that grief exactly like an ocean? ]

[ Curling an arm around her, he drops a kiss to her moist forehead. Her tears streak his palm onto his hands where he cups her face, but her words, so hopeful and earnestly childlike, send something bittersweet bubbling up inside him. ]

Yeah. [ He can't explain why the idea appeals to him so much. Maybe it's just been a long time since he's had a vacation -- no ulterior motives, no missions, no targets. Something ... simple. Simple as in you like what you like, as if he has all the agency anyone else possesses. (He does, here, now that he thinks about it. This world is a crystal honeycomb, sparkling with new facets to explore.) ]

[ He kisses her again -- a soft flutter across her wet eyelids and the tip of her nose. ]

You've got a whole world to protect ... But there's more to it than the risks and responsibilities. You need to see that.

[anatural]

[A yawn interrupts her attempt to kiss him back.]

I'd like that. [She remembers, vaguely, the joy and excitement she used to always feel when bending. She'd like to feel that again too. A break from everything.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ A break from everything. The desire had welled up so often when he was a soldier. He can still remember Amber's hair floating like green tendrils at the corner of his eye, as sleek and ticklishly tempting as her words: Let's run away. Somewhere we can see the stars. The tangibility of that dream had faded when he'd made an enemy of the whole Syndicate -- though really, it'd been lost from that first flash of white that seared his eyes as he'd watched the stars fall. But now ... Korra's world is weird and raucous and frictional and too loud at times, yet with each passing day it's growing to be something like a haven. ]

[ It's nowhere near what he had once, true, but it's... Something. ]

We'll do it, then. [ The words are soft and seeded with humor, but they carry a promise held; a sustaining note. He bows his head, so his and Korra's foreheads touch, a circle of warmth. Quieter: ] Right now, you should try to get some sleep.