Cold comfort for change

[mortemscintilla]

WHO: Korra & Hei
WHAT: Parting is such awkwardz.  

[ The days leading up to his departure pass in a blur. ]

[ He has enough to do. Arrangements and plans, between drifting from crowded walk-ups to cheap lodging houses -- (His and Korra's 'date' stretched entirely too long. Long enough to snap Tenzin's already-frayed temper. When they'd returned to Air Temp Island, he demanded, red-faced and practically frothing, that 'Li' pack up and leave the following morning. Hei was all too happy to oblige.) -- travel papers, guides and useful information on the colonies beyond Republic City. He's purchased tickets for the train journey. He's plotted out his routes on maps and snagged himself a reliable guide. ]

[ His separation from Korra isn't on his mind as much as he would have expected. But its absence seems linked to her lack of presence, because of course he'd think of it most when she's closeby, a visceral reminder of what he stands to lose. In the rare moments when he does allow the ideas to seep in, he's gripped by a vertiginous combination of sadness and dread, and wishes he could speak to her. ]

[ But he's said everything that required saying. She'd been sullen and resentful -- but she hadn't stopped him. (Would he have stayed, if she said Don't go? He wonders...) ]

[ The evening before he's meant to catch his train, though, he finds himself at the docks. Leaning against the rusted railing, he regards the lush green speck of Air Temple Island. The sun charts a course behind banks of iron-grey clouds. Though not especially bright, the day is pleasantly warm. The seawater doesn't glitter so much as take on a gleaming quality: long bands of ribbed light run across its waves the way light hits the reflective surface of a glass table. ]

[ It's unpretentiously beautiful, and Hei realizes he'll miss it. Realizes the city has sunk a bright hook into his chest, as surely as the constellation of red dots that link a part of his psyche to Korra -- as if she's a glittering lure from the dark sea depths, and he's the blindsided barracuda that opened his maw and bit. ]

Comments

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hope can be an elusive pest, and Hei is aware of that. He's always mistrusted it; that's long-since been established. But he hasn't lost that capacity for unwavering determination that attaches itself to fearful moments, either. He's aware Korra is at an impasse where her bending is concerned. But he's also convinced that it can be overcome. He's no pollyanna, but he is also the perfect anathema to pessimists. Small successes are still successes; he doesn't expect miracles here. That would be unrealistic, and if there's something he's trained himself into being best at it's pragmatism. ]

[ Still. There's no way a girl like Korra can stay helpless forever. Certainly not if she's surrounded by a bunch of naysayers who underestimate her. ]

Not maybe. Definitely.

[ His tone holds no false cheer. Only blunt matter-of-factness. ]

[anatural]

Well if you're gone for long enough...

[That was low, and she shakes her head to try and clear the mood.]

It'd help if I could connect to Aang again.

[mortemscintilla]

[ If you're gone for long enough... Something almost like anger -- like hurt -- edges Hei's flatlined expression. But it's gone in the next moment. Part of him wants to snap at her to get over this Poor-Little-Me teenaged tiff. To explain that he can't stay here, re-shaping his daily schedule to her availability versus her absence. He is peripheral to Korra's life, as he'd been to Pai's; a well-used accessory, the Blade Wielding Reaper, counterpart to World Devouring Star, each sold separately. But maybe that self-absorption is just the curse unique to Korra and to Pai, the one that balances out the selfless deeds. It is too easy ... especially when you are a damn walking miracle ... to forget that every individual is the star player in his or her own life. ]

[ Keeping his voice gentle, he stirs the noodles in his bowl around. ]

How'd you connect to him last time? Meditation?

[anatural]

[Hey, it is perfectly reasonable for her to be annoyed about him going "Hey I'm going to leave for 10 months" without even talking about it to her first. Okay that is not selfishness that is what it means to be in a relationship.]

Meditation sometimes. Dreams others. It seems to be more like luck than anything else.

[mortemscintilla]

[ Except he did inform her. Even if it was against his better judgement -- even if he has no patience for the messy rigamarole of Goodbye and I'll write to you. He's been a Syndicate operative longer than he's been her boyfriend. For better or worse, the tendency toward reticence remains intact. He's torn between affection and annoyance, as is often the case with Korra. But at her expression, a sadness tremulously balanced between futility and hope, the affection reluctantly wins out. He still tends to take this 'past lives' stuff with a pinch of salt. But at Korra's words, he's reminded, briefly, of all the times he's tapped into Pai's ability in extremis. ]

[ Quietly, ]

Or maybe some part of you contacts him intuitively. When you most need it.

[ He's said it before. There's more reason in your body than in your best wisdom. The psyche, the mind, isn't self-contained; it co-exists with the physical, and functions on an underpinning of logic in its purest form. ]

[anatural]

[Grumble grumble aaargh]

I could sure use it more often.

[mortemscintilla]

[ If Hei weren't privately amused by the sulk, he'd worry that Korra is going to jitter herself to pieces as the pressure builds. Reaching out, he briefly squeezes her hand -- struck in a moment of absurd whimsy how soft and warm the skin is, like the powder-fine sand glittering at a campfire's edge. ]

Maybe Aang isn't in touch [ like Aang is a long-distance relative ] because he knows you can handle yourself.

[ He's not sure of much, except the latter. Avatar or no, Korra isn't so easy to extinguish. ]

[anatural]

I've been handling it myself, and I'd appreciate having a little help from my past life!

[Sulky, but she squeezes his hand back with mute gratitude and a silent request to change the subject. They don't have much time left together.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei doesn't add anything else. He wants to encourage Korra, but he also doesn't believe in empty platitudes. As it is, this business with her past lives is beyond his frame of reference. His one unshakeable certainty is simply that she'll handle whatever her Avatar duties throw at her. It's enough. ]

[ Quietly, he slurps up the last few mouthfuls from the bowl. He still has room for seconds (or thirds or fifths, let's be honest). But he'd prefer to spend these moments with Korra doing something better than stuffing his face. He straightens, contemplating their separation, the afternoon darkening as if the angle of the sun has just changed, shaded behind the dappled canopy of trees. ]

[ At length, ]

Think you have time to walk me to the station?

[anatural]

[His words twist the knife in her gut, even as she smiles.] I think I can squeeze you in.

[She keeps a tight hold on his hand as they leave the noodle shop behind. The weather is beautiful, the streets lively but not too crowded, and everything is just about perfect. So of course it's almost over.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ At seventeen, Hei would have wasted no time in leaning close, whispered suggestions of a quickie behind some dim alleyway or crumbling old building ready on his lips. While it's a lie to say it's not on his mind, it's also not exactly a priority. He keeps his fingers curled around hers. Drifts with her among the pedestrians, down a landscaped garden done in Japanese fashion, casting his gaze out over the still lake with its serene torii arch floating in indelible outline against a sky so blue it glows. Couples lean side by side on the wooden balustrade of the viewing pavilion and take it in. But, of course, he and Korra don't have time on their crammed schedules for something as pointlessly tranquil as that. ]

[ Still, this crumb of closeness ... it's enough. Rubbing his thumb across the ridge of her knuckles, he says, almost lightheartedly, ]

I'll bring back souvenirs, if you like. Nothing trashy or cursed.

[anatural]

[She interlaces their fingers and squeezes.]

Just bring back yourself. [Though she doesn't mind the idea of souvenirs. She likes things that have meaning, even if it's just a token of a place she's never been. But she doesn't want to encourage his tendency to buy meaningless junk.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Just bring back yourself. A dull, unnameable ache crowds in Hei's chest. They're just words, but how often does he hear them in a sincere context? The geometry of his face shifts into something pensive, dark-eyed. ]

[ Korra's hand is warm and slim in his, a soft little paw. And looking at her, he feels ... with her, one hundred percent. None of the Hollywood cliches of trenchcoat-fedora-glossy-red-lips-bad-French-accents, sleek stars and twinkly starlets, the astro-dust of the big screen. But she draws his focus in other ways: he offers her his terribly secret -- and terrible -- sense of humor, which he entrusts only to a few. Likes the trust she gives him in return, and everything else.The wicked-sweet blue of her eyes. Her legs. The things she does for him and with him. How she can sit in bed, in a T-shirt and frayed shorts, slurping noodles, with perfect aplomb. Her dismissive contempt for things everyone commonly treasures: savvy gadgets, diamond necklaces, fancy dresses, chocolate boxes; and her adoration of things no one else in his world appreciates: ugly pet lizards, tacky carnival rides, the crowded stink of bazaars, gruesome krav maga matches, the genius of beef jerky. ]

[ They don't match, always, but when they do it's like a salt and a pepper shaker, a novelty set, despite every natural law that says they shouldn't. She is a kittenish, quirky, lovely girl with a hero-complex as big as the stratosphere; and he is a warped, bitter, paranoiac ex-assassin who still isn't used to feeling as happy as this. ]

[ Leaning in, he kisses her -- brief, but imbued with a grateful softness. ]

How could I forget?

[ The undertone is distinctly mocking. But the warmth is obvious. ]

[anatural]

[She chases after his lips, the kiss not nearly long enough.]

When does your train leave?

[mortemscintilla]

[ She leans in close, and Hei's mood blooms from dull beige to deep red. Lightly, he butts his head against hers -- close enough to feel the warm tickle of her hair and inhale that spicysweet whiff of her scent. Who knows how long it'll be until he has another chance to gorge on them -- on her -- again. Might as well make the most of things. ]

[ Mildly, ]

Plenty of time to spare.

[ For whatever you have planned. His mind is a fine-tuned precision instrument; there's little chance of him missing his train, so long as he doesn't get carried away. (Don't let him get carried away, Korra.) ]

[anatural]

.... let's go this way. [She tugs him in the direction of a secluded park. Hopefully secluded park. She's not sure what she wants or what she's planning to do, but it's a step in the right direction.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei raises an eyebrow, but doesn't resist as she tugs him. The land dips gradually, a gentle green downslope leading toward a wisteria-laced gazebo, its gabled red roof decorated with chipped marble statuettes. A thick copse of trees bend over the structure, casting secretive shadows, and the air is dense with the scent of dying jasmine: it smells like the bottled oils sold on the roadside stalls. Not a perfectly impenetrable spot. But, for the moment, conveniently secluded. ]

[ Dipping his head, Hei catches Korra's lower-lip between his, a playful nip and suck before he lets go. ]

Shouldn't you be worried about eyewitnesses?

[anatural]

The Avatar's allowed to kiss her boyfriend. [And, okay, back in the City going to a secluded corner like this would be a straight road to sex, which...no. She didn't bring them here for sex. Just kissing. Lots of kissing, and maybe some other kinds of touching because it's going to be a long, long time but not sex.

She's not even sure she believes herself, but shhhh, think later, kiss now.]

[mortemscintilla]

Is that all we're doing? Kissing?

[ It's not disappointed, exactly, but that's not to say it isn't suggestive either. They slip into the gazebo, and the air is cool beneath the red-tiled roof and the leaves. Shafts of sunlight sparkle, dizzyingly bright, moving in squiggly patterns on the ground as the wind stirs the trees. It blows in the smell of Korra's skin, the life caught in her dark hair. ]

[ Gently, Hei draws her in close, gathering her face in his two hands, smoothing the breeze-tumbled hair away from her mouth. The bench he coaxes them into is hard and rickety, but his kisses to her mouth are rain-soft. No urgency, but maybe there's a degree of self-control happening, because both his hands stay cupped around her cheeks, almost like a dare to see who'll break contact first. ]

[anatural]

We're still in public. [She wraps her arms around his waist and presses herself against him in a way that isn't entirely appropriate; it'd certainly make Tenzin's head explode. But her hands stay in perfectly appropriate places.]

[mortemscintilla]

Like that's stopped you before.

[ It's murmured between kisses, the space where their mouths are slotted together. Bit by bit he draws her closer, her heat seeping into him the way sunshine floods the surface of a frozen river. But it doesn't spark the usual sharp-edged desire; instead he's conscious of a tenderness brimming in him. His mouth plays a moist game of escargot across her face; dotting kisses at the corners of her mouth, the point of her chin, the warm whorls of her ears and the square fleshy box of her jawline, before roaming lower down, nibbling a path down the tempting curve of her throat. His hands remain at her face, cradling it with a curious delicacy. ]

[ First one to touch means breaking the rules, that much goes unsaid -- but that doesn't mean he can't cheat a little. ]

[anatural]

Ahhh... [Her eyes flutter shut as he hits upon that good spot on her neck. She turns her head to kiss the hands cupping her cheeks (and also to give him better access to her neck). Her toes curl with pleasure. She wants to let her hands wander, but they're in public. Behave, she reminds herself.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Her sigh, the way she rolls her head to kiss his palms, feeds a fizzy, sudsy bath-bubble sensation in his veins. His eyes are open, a close-range glint of blue to watch her captivating expressions, but also to stay alert for any passersby. But the spot remains deserted; nothing but the gentle susurration of trees, the air laced with the heavy sweetish aroma of jasmine. ]

[ Humming, he nuzzles her throat, dipping his tongue into the bowl above her clavicle. Moves lower, lazily kissing her breasts through her shirt. He wishes he could impress upon her, how much he'll miss this -- miss her -- when he's away. In moments like these, it's easy to imagine that Korra can actually understand what he is thinking, feeling. When they are this close, barely a whisper between them, no barriers but fabric and skin, his affections are obvious. ]

[anatural]

[Not as obvious as he thinks. She's well aware how easily he lies, and how liking her body is not the same as caring about her. She's pretty sure he cares about her, but it's hard to feel certain, especially with him leaving for so long. It goes against the standards of every relationship she's ever witnessed, every (limited) understanding of how they work.

She tugs him backwards, until her knees hit the small bench and she lands on it with a thud, more enthusiasm than grace.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hei wishes he could reassure her, in the moments when doubt encroaches. Do something to ease that dark dip of her lashes, the little warble in her voice. It's true, the affection he bears for anyone isn't the same vein that they'd carry for him in return. And this stuttered uncertainty between them goes way back, maybe too far back to fix entirely; it is like fabric with a hundred tiny rips in it, each one carefully mended, but coming undone again as the fabric strains. Hei isn't going to give in, though. Of all the people he's met in the City, Korra is like his favorite shirt, no matter how things change; even when she looks at him with a certain big-eyed anxiety, like a little girl who believes no one loves her. ]

[ Things have never been as simple as they seem between them, anyway. Korra, he thinks. Korra has never been so simple. ]

[ She yanks him back, and he spills obligingly across her -- his body a warm heavy drape, his kisses silky and sipping. One hand spanning down her spine to keep her anchored close, while the other slips under her shirt, pushing it up along her ribs, fingertips skimming the warm skin. Not a demand, but a careful exploration. ]