things left unsaid
Dec. 19th, 2014 11:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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WHO: Asami & Hei
WHAT: Hei's return throws Asami's world into chaos.
[Days pass, and Mako's words still echo in her thoughts: Li’s alive. With every echo, Asami wishes that hearts were as simple as machines.
She's happy for Korra. Korra and Li — Hei, though Asami's the only one of their group to know that — have been together for almost as long as Asami's known them. And she likes Hei. She'd been suspicious of him once, when that dorky facade of his started slipping, but his devotion to Korra had been unquestionable. Asami appreciated that about him, even envied it a little. She's never inspired that kind of loyalty in anyone, not even her own father. So she's happy for her friend. Truly.
She's also heartbroken, a fact which is as surprising as Hei being alive. His return means the end of the sweet, secret relationship between her and Korra. Not a romantic one — they're friends who share intimacies. But Asami hadn't realized just how much she's come to depend on those intimacies until now.
She wishes Korra would call. They need to talk about what's going to happen between them, what's going on with Hei, whether she's going to tell him. She refuses to let this relationship end like the one with Mako; she needs clarity. At the same time, she understands why it would slip Korra's mind. Of course she's preoccupied with Hei's return. That kind of shock would knock the ground out from under anyone's feet.
When she ends up on Korra's front porch, it's not because she intended to be there. Asami had overseen the loading of some new products at the dock, and instead of going home, her footsteps took her to Korra's place. Korra and Hei's place.
Taking a deep breath, she knocks.]
WHAT: Hei's return throws Asami's world into chaos.
[Days pass, and Mako's words still echo in her thoughts: Li’s alive. With every echo, Asami wishes that hearts were as simple as machines.
She's happy for Korra. Korra and Li — Hei, though Asami's the only one of their group to know that — have been together for almost as long as Asami's known them. And she likes Hei. She'd been suspicious of him once, when that dorky facade of his started slipping, but his devotion to Korra had been unquestionable. Asami appreciated that about him, even envied it a little. She's never inspired that kind of loyalty in anyone, not even her own father. So she's happy for her friend. Truly.
She's also heartbroken, a fact which is as surprising as Hei being alive. His return means the end of the sweet, secret relationship between her and Korra. Not a romantic one — they're friends who share intimacies. But Asami hadn't realized just how much she's come to depend on those intimacies until now.
She wishes Korra would call. They need to talk about what's going to happen between them, what's going on with Hei, whether she's going to tell him. She refuses to let this relationship end like the one with Mako; she needs clarity. At the same time, she understands why it would slip Korra's mind. Of course she's preoccupied with Hei's return. That kind of shock would knock the ground out from under anyone's feet.
When she ends up on Korra's front porch, it's not because she intended to be there. Asami had overseen the loading of some new products at the dock, and instead of going home, her footsteps took her to Korra's place. Korra and Hei's place.
Taking a deep breath, she knocks.]
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Date: 2014-12-31 11:42 pm (UTC)[ He doesn't tell her that. Just reaches out, plucking a slice of starfruit from the salad bowl, and hands it to her. ]
[ Quietly, ]
How did it start? You and Asami?
[ If it's an interrogation, he offers no hint of it. His gaze is clear, curious. ]
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Date: 2015-01-01 12:34 am (UTC)It just kind of happened. It wasn't anything romantic. We both just needed a way to let off some stress.
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Date: 2015-01-01 04:52 am (UTC)[ Except his relationship with Korra had begun that way too. Until, out of nowhere, the heavy shackles of emotion had wrapped themselves around him. It was terrible. BK201's star had risen straight through the smoky skies of Heaven's War, into renown, then infamy -- only to crash back down at the mercy of love. A love that is vicious and childish and clinging, yet fills him with such a bright, aching homeness that he can't imagine why he was once so afraid of it. ]
[ After a moment's hesitation, he takes her hand in his. (Each time, he always expects it to feel the way it used to be -- an impetuous little starfish, compact and smooth. And each time, he finds it delicately toughened, the hand of a competent adult, not a soft girl.) ]
[ Threading their fingers together, he murmurs, ]
'Just kind of happened.' That describes us pretty well too, don't you think?
[ Just a reminder that if he hadn't returned... Well. Things between Korra and Asami may have gone differently. ]
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Date: 2015-01-01 05:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-01 10:35 pm (UTC)[ He doesn't meet Korra's eyes. Instead he studies their clasped hands, gently tipping hers back as if to read her palm, divine a message in the creases. He tries, but can't quite attain the dry tone he's aiming for. ]
I'm in love with a woman who needs an actual partner. Not an imitation of one.
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Date: 2015-01-01 10:57 pm (UTC)What I need is for you to let me worry about what I need. [The same words she's been saying for years, but this time they're not angry. They're sad and affectionate, like a plea. Don’t turn me into something to beat yourself up with.]
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Date: 2015-01-01 11:20 pm (UTC)[ He needs to look inside her. Not out. Maybe he's only the outward manifestation of some interior wound she's failed to attend to properly. ]
[ He wants to tell her that. But with her so close, he can't entirely focus. So instead he tips up her chin to kiss her, deep and fierce, on the mouth, his mind whirling but his body entirely still, as though all his usual simmering energy has zeroed in on one locus. ]
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Date: 2015-01-02 12:05 am (UTC)I love you. [She breathes the words out between kisses. Her body tingles, gearing up to repeat that truth over and over again to him in their unspoken language. And then her stomach grumbles complaint, forcing her to break away.] Dinner. [Need food first.]
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Date: 2015-01-02 12:25 am (UTC)[ Then her stomach grumbles, and he allows her to detach with a single, wavery-edged breath. ]
[ He murmurs, ] You can eat, [ with an air of indulgence and maybe a small spark of humor. Lets her tuck into her plate, still keeping her gathered across his lap, his lips a cool flutter across the nape of her neck, his hands still stroking and sliding, along her waistband, beneath her blouse, petting and smoothing her flanks and thighs with soft sweeps of palms. ]
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Date: 2015-01-02 01:01 am (UTC)[WIth a quick kiss, she adds] Give me fifteen and I'll throw in a special surprise.
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Date: 2015-01-02 01:17 am (UTC)[ But he can't bear to say no to her. He sinks into her kiss with a grizzled little hum. When she breaks away, he chases after her, his mouth hot and questing, his clothes over-warm and wrinkled and his hair awry, the shell of a tired man except that his eyes are glowing, as if the electric-fire that keeps his body upright is starting to burn wild. ]
[ After a moment, he breaks reluctantly away. Loosens his grip so she can wriggle free, an unspoken, Whatever you like. ]
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Date: 2015-01-02 01:29 am (UTC)So. Ready for your surprise?
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Date: 2015-01-02 01:46 am (UTC)[ When she tugs him from his seat, he's already reaching for her, warm solid handfuls, his thumbs rubbing circles into the indent above her hips as he dips his head to deepen the kiss, a wet press of lips punctuated by a playfully hungry curl of teeth and tongue. ]
[ The half-smile he tips her is crooked, more a hazy gleam of the eyes than a curve of the mouth. ]
As long as it's nothing flammable or radioactive.
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Date: 2015-01-02 02:08 am (UTC)Nothing radioactive [She even knows what that means now, thanks to Asami and Varrick], but it will involve a little fire.
[She doesn't say anything more than that, but tugs him out towards the front door. A few meters away from the house is a small, natural pool that, with a little firebending, she found made an amazing hot tub. She fixed it up a little, added a few seats and covering foliage, and made it into the perfect little enclave for relaxing. She'd never gotten around to showing it to Asami, a fact for which right now she feels a litle glad.]
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Date: 2015-01-02 02:34 am (UTC)[ Blinking, he takes in the modifications Korra has made. The sand-dusted chairs, the green curtains of hanging foliage, the water itself clear with an undernote of heavy blue, like the darkened reflection of the sky on its surface. Like the color of Korra's eyes. It is unexpected, strikingly picturesque. ]
[ Squeezing her hand, he offers her a wry, sidelong look. ]
After the refrigerator, this might just be my new favorite place.
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Date: 2015-01-02 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-02 03:31 am (UTC)[ Dropping both hands, Hei's view is blocked only when he grabs the hem of his teeshirt and pulls it off, before stepping out of his pants, then resumes with her in it, a swift but studied scoop to gather her close, before he lets them slip lithe and naked to the edge and dive smoothly into the pool. The water is cold, then hot, then perfect: he gasps only at the first shock of it. Sinks in up to his chin, and lets the heat saturate his muscles, a melting languor, even as he's electrically aware of Korra's skin rubbing slick and hot against his. ]
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Date: 2015-01-02 03:57 am (UTC)I only found this place a few months ago. Putting it together became a personal project for me. A way to relax after a long day. [After a short moment, she adds] You're the first person to see it.
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Date: 2015-01-02 04:33 am (UTC)[ Hei keeps her cradled close, making a heavy circle with his arms, hands linked at her belly like the clasp of a necklace. Their bodies are dappled by the evening sun that filters through the stirring leaves. He can hear the caws and flutterings of birds in the trees. Eyes drooping half-shut, he forces away his kneejerk urge to stay alert. In the heated water, with Korra all warm and deliciously drowsing against his chest, he almost feels content, his thoughts no longer the antic loop of a racetrack, but like glossy stones skipping across a stream. ]
[ Out in space, his mind had always felt cramped, ideas drifting in ghostly after-images of perfect darkness. But here, he understands that all the light in his mind -- and there is a lot -- is because of Korra. God, she's done so much -- not just saved this world over and over, sacrificed and suffered -- but in the midst of all that she'd infused his vacant life with the bright currents of purpose: a muse, a fuel. He's scared of losing that -- or being unequal to it after three years away. But he's felt worse fears before, and should it matter if this one gets big and threatens to sink him down? He's never let it drown him. And yet... ]
[ Quietly, ]
Doesn't it... disturb you? Me coming back like this? It seems to disturb your friends.
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Date: 2015-01-02 05:12 am (UTC)It's strange. It changes everything, and that's a lot to adjust to. But mostly I'm happy. [She looks up at him.] Just because my life didn't stop doesn't mean you no longer have a place in it.
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Date: 2015-01-02 05:28 am (UTC)[ But they don't mend this horrid little hole that mars his confidence like a cigarette burn. He's too schooled in bitterness and disappointment to expect anything better. ]
[ After a beat, he lets off a rueful exhale, the sound dampened only by the way he noses into the crook of her neck, a wave of her dark hair tickling over his cheek. ]
It's been years since I've had a place anywhere. [ Just an expendable tool for the Syndicate. Just a passing ghost in the City's waiting-room. ] That's the problem. When I start to belong, feel happy, I get ... scared. [ The huff he lets off is too acrimonious to be a laugh. ] It's easier to be alone. Out of place. I've made a career of that.
[ The words emerge on a sour bolus he has to swallow down. At least he is talking. His way is usually sealed lips and bottled-up emotions. To go with the fists-and-fury option. Or, failing that, the brush-my-teeth-with-a-bottle-of-Jack option. ]
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Date: 2015-01-03 04:05 am (UTC)There's no point in worrying about things that are outside of your control. [But no judgement that he does. She still does too. Everyone does. It's hard to give up the illusion of control.]
Besides, we've survived the City, several world-ending disasters, multiple forced separations... I mean, you basically came back from the dead. I think the odds are in our favor.
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Date: 2015-01-03 05:06 am (UTC)[ But he also knows that airy, unanimous contentment won't last. Anxiety plucks constantly at his nerves; part of the reason he won't eat is because he's almost trying to starve it out. Maybe this is what love has done to him: turned him into this needy, hungry, insecure thing, a mess of desires and neurosis. ]
[ I was always that mess, he thinks with wry disgust. Hard to admit that love has only brought those oh-so-attractive qualities closer to the forefront. But self-awareness is trying to surface, pounding at the underside of consciousness like a drowning child trapped beneath a sheet of ice. It's impossible to ignore it. ]
[ Lightly, he kisses the spot just below Korra's ear, where her short-cut hair doesn't quite cover the sensitive skin of her nape. ]
The odds are never that kind. [ There is humor, tucked away in the sound of his exhale. ] But it's refreshing that you believe that.
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Date: 2015-01-03 08:37 pm (UTC)She wriggles out of his arms so she can straddle his lap, face to face, her breasts pressing against his chest as she leans in to kiss him.]
We'll just have to wait and see which of us is right. [Now stop obsessing over stupid things and touch her.]
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Date: 2015-01-03 10:45 pm (UTC)[ It doesn't seem real. That's the problem. Loss and misfortune are the natural sequence of his life. What does he know about recognizing happiness offered to him? He who, all through his existence, has taught himself to coast only on the narrow edge of expedience? ]
[ You're choosing to suffer just for the sake of suffering. Isn't that what Pai had said? ]
[ He doesn't want to think of Pai right now. Korra flows against him, and the sweet friction-y slide of her skin, the satisfying drape of her, takes his breath away. He can never get over how easy physical intimacy is in the water. Everything is more buoyant; if they move towards each other they are together so suddenly that there is nothing to do about it but accept. ]
[ So he does, trapping her in the wishbone of his arms, his mouth nudging against hers with a soft insistent pressure. The kiss is melting-hot, as if he's swallowed a mouthful of mocha; its heat pools pleasantly in his stomach while a different kind of warmth settles deep within his bones. ]
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