mortemscintilla: ∅♫ All these icons are keyworded to hooker songs :D (Hei - A Moment To Grieve)
[personal profile] mortemscintilla posting in [community profile] fuse_box
WHO: Korra & Hei
WHAT: Everything continues to be awkward and terrible. At least there is cake.

[ Tonraq's death had cast a pall over Mai's first birthday. But the second -- navigated by the traditional lunar calendar -- falls on a different day of the year, so there is no threat of celebrations and mourning crisscrossing. Korra isn't one for funeralizing anyway, Hei knows. Her father is gone, and she won't let him out of her heart and mind -- he'll always be with her as long as she's alive. But she needs to live, while remembering her existence is defined not just by death. There's loss, but there's also joy. Old sorrow, but new life, too.  ]

[ At least, he figures those are her reasons for this little party. ]

[ Asami had phoned him the week earlier. She'd invited him to brunch at Kwong's, explaining that Korra and Mai would be there. I know you only see them once a week. Maybe it'll be nice to socialize a bit more. Aching to go see his daughter -- but wary of making Korra uncomfortable -- Hei reluctantly declined. In dreams, he saw Korra, Mai and Asami as if in a sumptuous watercolor painting. Imagined them at the restaurant, cozied under the multicolored glow of an expensive stained-glass lamp, sipping tea from colorful crockery. He dreamed, as sloppy brushstrokes filled out the scenery, that they were all relieved by his refusal. He saw Mai's face melting into blankness, a doll devoid of any recognition for him, before the dream shivered away like paper torn into soggy bits. ]

[ He tries not to think about it. Mostly, he keeps himself too busy to think. He's moved out of the dump he'd rented, to the forty-sixth floor of one of the twin high-rises that Future Industries has constructed downtown -- a sleek but affordable complex. He chooses a three-bedroom corner apartment. The place is bright, airy, larger than he needs so most of the rooms go unused. But he likes living on the top floor, with a glittering view of the city, above it all. Also, at the time he'd rented it, it was to his advantage to take a place that didn't fit the profile of what a loner, recently separated and with minimal needs, would take for an apartment. ]

[ (It wasn't his only reason -- sure. But it also wasn't the first time his wishful thinking had blurred so seamlessly with his operational instincts.) ]

[ He's still working with Future Industries. With -- not For. The quirky old tech he'd been assisting has freelanced into weapons manufacturing -- and Hei had resolved to go with him. The arms trade isn't his main interest, though. He's spent the months since returning from the Enterprise rebuilding and restructuring the network he'd left behind. In Republic City, the basis exists for a competitive, free market of intelligence. The police force needs it, the President's entourage need it, as do the Earth Kingdom, the Fire Nation, the Water tribes. The means to access terrorist cells, to infiltrate the dens of well-connected kingpins, to assassinate political rivals, to create elite military units. ]

[ He is working toward developing his own private op. Hell, ever since the furor in the Earth Kingdom, there are new outfits springing up all over, the equivalent of Halliburton and Blackwater and K-Crucible, and it's hard to tell where the governments end and the shady private sector begins. Buyers have got their choice of which faction to gather intelligence, manpower, artillery -- or cannon fodder -- from. Hei intends to make sure his product is better than best. ]

[ (He knows, if Amber were here, she'd be laughing at how his life is playing out.) ]

[ A few nights before the big day, his phone rings late, while he is in bed, his eyes getting heavy over a book. This time it is Korra, inviting him to Mai's birthday. Not a huge celebration -- just a small intimate gathering. Startled, Hei agrees -- before he can think twice about how stupid and heartbroken this will leave him once he's there. He doesn't want to socialize with Korra's friends -- or be reminded of the life he'd tossed away. Doubts, too, that he'll get much private daddy-daughter time with Mai. But it will be enough to see her. She's growing, little by little. He doesn't want her to have no concrete childhood memories of her father beyond their one-hour playtime on Fridays. ]

[ When he first approaches the Beach House, he thinks it has caught fire, but the vapor wafting out of the windows is sweet incense. Something stops him from just knocking on the door; maybe the bright undercurrents of people in the air. Peering through the window, he watches Korra bustle around, her gestures elegant and formalized, like a medieval dance, with a whole host of partners. Tenzin, Pema and the Air Babies. Jinora and Kai. Asami. Mako. Bolin and Opal. And in their midst, impossibly small, the glowy sparkle in her eyes outshining everything in the room, is Mai. ]

[ For a minute Hei just stares at her, as if he is watching some mimed play. His daughter, and Korra -- his best beloveds -- right there on the other side of the glass. A strange object lesson -- of everything he'd almost had, and foolishly squandered. ]

Date: 2015-07-03 09:48 pm (UTC)
anatural: Korra looking up with her hair down (Happy: Hair down dreaming)
From: [personal profile] anatural
[Korra stops herself from asking if that was Asami's idea — it's the sort of expensive high-tech thing that Asami would recommend. But it was also a very Hei gesture. As utilitarian as he is, he has an incredible eye for beauty, and it shows in the most subtle ways.]

It's great. [She unconsciously reaches out to squeeze his hand, though she drops it quickly enough as she comes to her senses. You can't fall into old patterns.

A little brusquely, she adds: ]
You're going to need some shelves, though — or boxes. Someplace to put her toys so they aren't lying around.

Date: 2015-07-04 12:49 am (UTC)
anatural: Korra kissing someone's shoulder (Shippy: Shoulder kiss)
From: [personal profile] anatural
[Korra nods. Making a list sounds reasonable.]

I'll do that before I go tonight.

[She gestures for him to lead on, because he's not the only one feeling wistful. This could have been their home — they could have lived here, together, an actual family instead of broken fragments tentatively held together in Mai's tiny hands.]

Date: 2015-07-04 02:16 am (UTC)
anatural: Korra smiling with her hair down (Happy: Hair down smile)
From: [personal profile] anatural
As long as she can't get the windows open... [Korra has an immediate horrifying vision of Mai discovering she's an airbender by falling out the window, which she shakes off.] And you stock up on actual baby supplies... I think we could stop by for an afternoon a week.

[She pops the jelly square in her mouth as she watches for his reaction. It's a little bitter and earthy and strangely familiar in a way she can't pin down... but she likes it.]

Have you made these before? It's good.

Date: 2015-07-04 03:45 am (UTC)
anatural: Korra lounging in a hotspring (Shippy: Hotspring)
From: [personal profile] anatural
So you've actually gotten friendly with the neighbors here? [She takes another piece of jelly and pops it into her mouth.] I'm surprised.

[Which she really shouldn't be. He's always made some kind of connection with his neighbors, at least in most of the places they've lived. That old couple in the first apartment they slept together in, the kid in his first apartment here... She's just gotten used to the way he isolated himself when they lived together.

The thought disturbs her a little. She takes another piece of jelly and goes to look out the window.]


I haven't seen Yin in awhile. How's she doing?

Date: 2015-07-05 01:56 am (UTC)
anatural: Korra looking up with her hair down (Happy: Hair down dreaming)
From: [personal profile] anatural
I'm glad. I'll have to visit her sometime. [Korra feels bad for how she let Yin drift away once they came to her world. As fond of the other young woman as she still is, Yin became an afterthought so easily.

Korra blinks a little as a peculiar kind of fuzziness creeps up on her. Maybe I just need to sit down. She plops abruptly on the couch.]

Date: 2015-07-05 02:21 am (UTC)
anatural: Korra kissing someone's shoulder (Shippy: Shoulder kiss)
From: [personal profile] anatural
I'm fine. Just a little lightheaded. [In a way that feels rather familiar... Korra tries to think when she's felt like this before. Hunger dizziness? Food poisoning?

Does it look like Hei is about to fall over? She frowns, and reaches out for his hand.]


You should sit down. [She's so close to figuring out why this feeling is familiar, if she could just think a little more clearly.]

Who gave you the jelly again?

Date: 2015-07-05 11:00 pm (UTC)
anatural: Korra looks cheerful (Default)
From: [personal profile] anatural
[If she were sober, Korra's mind would probably jump to paranoid fantasies, but she's buzzed enough right now to recognize it as an innocent mistake.]

Don't let Mai eat anything they make. [And she leaves it at that. It feels weird having him stay standing, so she tugs him down onto the couch next to her.]

Date: 2015-07-06 12:30 am (UTC)
anatural: Korra kissing someone's shoulder (Shippy: Shoulder kiss)
From: [personal profile] anatural
[Her eyes flutter as he strokes her cheek, and a tremor runs through her entire body. Fuck. She really ought to leave. He even offers to call her a cab, but she shakes her head.]

No. I can't go home stoned. [That's a perfectly good excuse, isn't it? When the real reason is she doesn't want to leave him, is enjoying the lack of tension and the feel of desiring him without the guilt that usually comes along with it.]

Date: 2015-07-06 12:03 pm (UTC)
anatural: Korra grins smugly (Smug: Coy look)
From: [personal profile] anatural
Hei! [What is he doing? Is he diseased? Stop dragging her down with him! ...except his laughter is making her laugh and it's impossible to stop.]

Sh-she does not! [Korra leans into him, trying to make her point, trying to breathe. And maybe, more than anything else, just indulging herself. It feels so good to touch him like this. She winds her arms around his waist and nuzzles closer, still trying and failing to hold back giggles.]

Date: 2015-07-06 09:37 pm (UTC)
anatural: Korra kissing someone's shoulder (Shippy: Shoulder kiss)
From: [personal profile] anatural
Mmm. [She shivers and hungers for something that's not dinner. Something that is most definitely not on the menu.]

Food. Food would be smart. [At the same time, she can't bring herself to pull away from him. The wall she put up after he broke her heart, that she erected to protect her daughter and shored up with every hurt she could remember... who knew it would take so little drugs to break through? A few pieces of loaded candy and it's like it didn't exist.

It should anger her, but instead it just makes her sad. Sad that she can't build a stronger defense for herself and her daughter, sad that a defense is even necessary.]

Date: 2015-07-06 10:47 pm (UTC)
anatural: Korra flirts with Bolin (Shippy: Let's get outta here)
From: [personal profile] anatural
[She feels empty when he pulls away. She wants to continue the kiss, deepen it, but he's pulled away and she's not drugged enough to be stupid.]

Yeah. [She stands up and follows him to the dining table. The delicious smell of food is enough to soothe most of her disappointment, at least. She plops down at the table and immediately shoves one of the empanadas in her mouth, moaning as her tongue explodes with flavor.]

Oh man, this is so good.

Date: 2015-07-07 03:59 pm (UTC)
anatural: (Avatar: Aang is with you)
From: [personal profile] anatural
She really loves that stuff. [And suddenly she's gut-punched with sadness, so that she can hardly swallow the food in her mouth. She puts the rest down and stares at her plate.] She asks about you all the time, you know. Every time someone comes over, she gets really excited, thinking it's you. She hasn't figured out yet that this whole situation isn't normal... but she's going to soon.

[Korra wishes she wouldn't. Wishes she didn't have to. Wishes there was nothing to figure out.]

You can't fuck this up. You can't. I want you in our lives but you can't fuck this up.

[She's babbling and high but completely sincere.]

Date: 2015-07-07 08:32 pm (UTC)
anatural: (Avatar: Aang is with you)
From: [personal profile] anatural
[Her secret, shameful impulses & temptations wither, die. The drugs aren't strong enough to go against his words and common sense both.

Step by step. She stands up.]
I'll make that list for you. Do you have something I can write on?

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