just accept this is a soap opera

[electric_lady]

WHO: Asami and Hei
WHAT: They’ve been on a journey for two months looking for Yin. Now Asami & Hei are killing time while they wait for Korra to return.

[It's just about dusk when Asami arrives at the rendezvous point — a little house at the edge of a tiny Fire Nation village that she's renting for this segment of their journey. They'd taken to renting houses instead of hotel rooms to give them more flexibility and security, so they could separate but always maintain a solid home base. It was inexplicably important to Hei that their journey remain strictly hush-hush.

It was more understandably important to Korra and Asami that nobody found out about their threesomes. The gossip rags would eat that information up and they would none of them get a moment's peace, not to mention the embarrassment of facing their friends. Asami knows how self-conscious Korra is about her sexual history, considering both her parents and her past life never dated anyone else, and even Tenzin had only dated Chief Bei Fong before marrying Pema. Asami tries to tell her that in her thousands of lifetimes, surely one of her past incarnations has been happily promiscuous, but without the ability to communicate with them, they'll never know.

Asami lets herself into the house; she's the first one to make it back. Hopefully Hei or Korra will come soon with better news, with some sign of Yin. None of the people she met knew anything. She sighs, sets her shoes aside, and makes a beeline for the sake.

(They'd been drinking sake that first night, when they were still renting hotel rooms. Korra normally refrained from alcohol, but that night she took two shots. As they were folding up the map, getting ready to separate for the night, Korra leaned over and kissed her. Asami was too tipsy to resist, even though Hei was right there. They kept kissing each other, and their clothes came off, and somehow Hei was naked too and pounding Korra while Korra brought Asami off with her fingers. At some point Hei slipped inside Asami too, and Asami remembers thinking dimly Oh no because it's one thing to be in love with Korra; wanting to share her boyfriend is something else entirely.

They woke up sober, embarrassed, and had sex a few more times before dragging themselves out of bed. Then she and Korra had more sex in the shower so that, by the time they got to breakfast, Asami could hardly walk and couldn't count the number of times she'd come. At breakfast, they all decided to not try and put a label on what happened — or a stop. "We all like sex," Korra said. "Let's just...let it happen." And it did, just about every night they were together. This past week, when they all separated to cover more ground, is the longest she's gone without sex since they started this journey three months ago. She doesn't understand how she used to go months without it.)]

Comments

[mortemscintilla]

[ It's probably not a good idea for her to move too far too fast. At least not right away. Rising from the couch, Hei does up his jeans, before fetching one of the throw blankets, crocheted with a colorful Suzhou-style pattern, to drape across her. It's not gallantry but practicality: she'll need the warmth when her body-temperature starts to plummet. ]

[ He's considering starting up the tea-kettle, both for her and for when Korra returns -- when Asami's words tug him away from mundane concerns. Blinking, he regards her a moment, gaze measuring, face impassive. He has no doubts and regrets, no. But then, sex is almost performative mechanics for him. It takes a great deal to dig through his sedimentary layers of cold reserve and spark true intimacy. Korra has succeeded at that -- though privately, he wonders if it is worth everything it cost her. ]

[ He doubts Asami is interested in emotional infusion or tampering with his mind. That's fine with him. More than fine. But he's also assumed the threesomes were unique to their circumstances -- high-tension and close-quarters. When the search ends, they'll return to their usual routines, resume their ordinary lifestyles, just a loose-knit trio of allies instead of some complex three-variable equation. ]

[ Quietly, his reply equal parts care and precision, ]

I have nothing against a reprise. But -- [ Here he reaches out. Smoothes back Asami's mussed hair, tidiness disguised as tenderness. ] That's something you should discuss with Korra.

[ Because he has no idea how Korra might respond to him and Asami engaging in a facet of sex that excludes her so completely. ]

[anatural]

[Korra sees all this through the window — the way Hei covers Asami's nakedness, the way he brushes her hair back. She's surprised to find it hurts... not like a knife through the heart, more like a stubbed toe, but still. It hurts.

She doesn't storm in with jealous rage, nor does she step back and wait for them both to get fully dressed so she can pretend she knows nothing. Taking a deep breath, she steps inside.]

Hey. [The room is pungent with sweat and sex — not particularly pleasant smells when you didn't have any part in making them. She smiles reassuringly as Asami sits up — not with guilty haste, just a tinge of embarrassment.] Having fun without me?

[mortemscintilla]

[ The door clicks open, heralding Korra's voice. Glancing around, the fabric of his shirt twisted in his grip, Hei waits to feel something -- a spasm of guilt, nausea, nervousness, even self-consciousness. Nothing occurs. Instead his mind maintains its usual cool arithmetic: the room perfumed with the sharp aroma of their exertions, Asami sitting up, half-covered by the blanket, mussed and rosy-cheeked as a woman from an erotic shunga print, the lacquered cups of sake resting on the table beyond them. ]

[ Then Korra speaks, and he's surprised at the sensation that creeps in -- not anger, exactly. More a quiet resentment, cold and unspoken, almost insignificant to address. He has no qualms about fucking Asami. But he is irritated at how Korra orchestrated it. As if he's a toy she'd let her girlfriend borrow -- not a grown man who has shared a solid decade of her youth, and whom she could've discussed the swap with beforehand. The threesomes are one thing: spontaneous, sparked by heat and hormones. This is too pre-meditated to feel like anything but a test. Or worse -- a backhanded kiss-off. ]

[ He lets the annoyance rattle around in his mind like a broken chunk of metal. Ignores it, as he ignores all the petty grievances he has with her. It's easy, because just looking at her face opens something in him as easily and suddenly as an unstuck door, full of love and yearning. ]

[ Reaching out, he skims his knuckles lightly across the curve of her cheek. ]

Just getting acquainted.

[anatural]

[Hey, it wasn't a swap, nor was it "orchestrated". Asami had brought it up to Korra as something for the three of them, and Korra just said "You guys can have fun without me." She didn't mention the conversation to Hei because, honestly, she forgot. They've kind of been busy hunting for Yin and fucking all together; telling him "Oh, Asami's going to talk to you about trying some BDSM" wasn't high on her list of priorities. Or...at all on her list of priorities.

She takes his hand and squeezes it, reminding herself that this is what she signed up for.] I'm glad. [She does want Hei to be closer to her friends. In an ideal world, this probably wouldn't involve hardcore kinky sex with them, but this is not an ideal world. Doesn't make it bad.

Asami wraps the blanket around herself, and Korra has to admit that the just-fucked-senseless look is a very good one for her friend (but what isn't?) Then Asami tries to stand, wobbles, and falls back on the couch. I don’t think I can walk. The consternation in Asami's voice makes Korra laugh.]

Here, I'll help. [She wraps her arms around the other girl and picks her up, ready to carry her to bed.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ She could have made the effort. He's aware of her distaste for bondage-games. Aware of how much she cares for Asami. Yet he can't shake the feeling that he's arrived at this privileged place as a substitute, a second-rate dick. It's a disconcerting feeling, like being back in Amber's team, treated with a wry aloofness, his maleness alien and out-of-place among this pack of ferocious, deadly women. There is the union between them that he is not invited into. ]

[ Let it go. Shaking it off, he watches Korra guide a wobbling Asami into bed. After they've vanished in a waft of dying tigerlilies and the absence of pretty braided murmurs, Hei drifts to the kitchen. His fingers close on the kettle. In a dim moment of whimsy, he wishes he were demonstrative enough to make a frustrated gesture with it. Even those sharp, jerky motions and clanging noises the signal pent-up irritation. Korra has been known to kick holes in anything handy when she is pissed. But Hei has never had that luxury. He can't remember the last time he'd been able to cut loose without the risk of carnage, trauma, or someone giving him that nervous, cornered-prey look. As if his anger is something abnormal, more significant than anybody else's. ]

Que sera sera.

[ He mutters it in English, watching the tea brew, black as a raven's wing, its burbling rattle a pleasant white-noise to his overstretched thoughts. ]

[anatural]

[Korra comes back a little less than ten minutes later. She and Asami had exchanged only a few words, promising to talk later when Asami isn't exhausted from the fucking. Once Asami is comfortable, Korra says she'll go out and bring back a cup of tea.]

Do you have tea — great. [She reaches up into the cabinet and pulls out three cups.] So how'd it go? [She means the search for Yin, not the sex with Asami.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ He intuits quickly what she's referring to. Easy, when Yin dominates his thoughts so entirely. Asami is pleasant -- but also pleasantly forgettable. Out of sight, out of mind. ]

Someone matches Yin's description. At the village not too far out. I've sent scouts; once they've confirmed it's her, they'll be back with news.

[ His tone is calm, almost didactic. He doesn't meet her eyes; instead they stay fixed on his hands, mindful of their steadiness as he lifts the kettle, pours out tea through the strainer and into the cups in curls of aromatic steam. Inside, the irritation still sparks. He wishes he could ignore it. He doesn't understand how he's found it in him to forgive Amber's enormous transgressions, but detests such trivial ones in her. Maybe because Amber is so far-off; a ghostly thrum of memory, bitter truth mixing with cloying nostalgia. ]

[ Whereas Korra is right here. A golden blaze, like sunshine; which is just fire, far away. If he starts loving all her little negligences, her sweetly oblivious cruelties, the way he loves every other particle of her ... it will be too much. Burn his sanity up. ]

[anatural]

That's great! How long do you think it'll take? [Korra's ready to go right now — despite how tired she is from her own journey. The waiting game is still her least favorite. She wants to go, to do. Find Yin. End the journey. (She may, possibly, be ready to go back to life as normal and Hei as hers alone.)]

[mortemscintilla]

[ He unbends enough to smile faintly at her sugar-high brightness. He's as anxious to go and to do as she is. More so. But his mind always functions tactically. He doesn't know why Yin and Mao fled, or why they've been so difficult to track down, unless they've been staying in flux. But in case there's an underlying skein of risk, he's willing to focus more on the approach than on the destination. That gearing up calms him down. He isn't sure he can take another dead end, his hopes spiking dizzily before the brutal plunge, so he tries to focus on determining if it really is Yin, and not on what he'll do if it isn't, because he'd prefer not to consider it. ]

[ Edging closer, he hesitates, before sliding his arms around Korra. Lets them both stand there in loose, latched intimacy, heads held close, his body saying hello to hers without words. ]

I'll hear from the scouts before midnight. If it's good news, we'll head out at dawn.

[anatural]

[She wraps her arms around his waist and rests her head against his shoulder. She knows how much he doesn't want to get his hopes up, so she hopes for him.

She doesn't say as much. There's nothing they can do about Yin until they hear from the scouts anyway, so she tilts her head up and kisses his neck.]

So did Asami wear you out?

[mortemscintilla]

[ No, he doesn't want to get his hopes up. Yin's absence still sneaks up on him like a whipping desert wind: his skull feels full of sand, his face hot and eyes dry in their sockets. He's not sure if he'll get over the regret of leaving her behind, failing to keep her safe -- and now, failing to successfully retrieve her. That sense of futility leaves him scraped raw inside. ]

[ He tries to ignore it. Korra is full of wicked electricity and static cling, soft lips at his throat, hips climbing up his, her whole body like a blanket you can't peel off, and it's easy for everything beyond their cozy orbit to blur into the unnecessary. ]

[ Mouth crimping in a sharp little smile, he murmurs, ]

I'm not the one walking funny.

[anatural]

Asami's not walking at all. [And luckily for Korra, Asami's fallen asleep, so there's no one to be bothered by the fact she's completely forgotten the promised tea. She hikes herself up onto the counter and hooks her legs around his, pulling him closer.]

You really did a number on her. [Tracing her hands along his stomach.] How was it for you?

[mortemscintilla]

[ It's hard to think when you've got an armful of sweetly pervy goodness snugged against you. Not that Hei is resisting. He lets her lure him closer, her legs a strong braid around his, her hands little reconnaissant spiders. By degrees, the strung-out tension in his muscles melts alongside worries and what-ifs about Yin, and he lets his body relax into Korra's, lets his arms wrap around that tight convex of waist like a loose bow. ]

[ At her question, he pauses, wondering if she's fishing for comparisons. He hopes not, because he'd never be able to offer any. Everyone's ways of fucking are so different. Asami's are like jazz with slow-burning candles; Korra's is a raunchy club mix all the way, electronic music bouncing off the walls, anchored by a thumping base line. ]

[ Leaning in, he mouths her neck right on the pulse-point, then drags his teeth across it, like a surgeon marking the spot for his incision. Loving the familiarity of her scent and taste: safe and delicious and true, the answer to a jagged pang of homesickness. ]

[ Quietly, ]

Different.

[ He has no idea what Asami's sexual history is. But pinned beneath him, a sweaty, red-flushed mess, with no cloak of genteel refinement to hide behind, she'd struck him as remarkably innocent, her eyes devoid of fear or cunning, like some tender animal in the woods right before it is slain. An innocence very different from Korra's -- the kind born from holding herself apart, rather being kept locked away. It had intrigued him -- but it didn't horrify and fascinate him as Korra's had done, as it still sometimes does. That naive vulnerability that stirs him to protect her, an urgent fevery drive, and that chimera of moral purity that makes her so compassionate and yet so thoughtless, and which he silently deplores. ]

[ A beat, before he blinks, the contemplative honesty shuttered away, a sly smirk teasing the edges of his mouth. ]

I forgot what it was like to be with someone who does as she's told.

[anatural]

[No, not fishing for comparisons... but maybe a little nosy, despite herself. This is the first time she's known explicitly that Hei has fucked someone else. She always thought she wouldn't want to know the details... she ddoesn't want to know the details, but at the same time, she does, for the same reason your tongue pokes at a sore in your mouth.]

I do what I'm told when it's not stupid! [She knees him in the side.] You're just ridiculously bossy.

[mortemscintilla]

Bossy is subjective.

[ He winds his arms around her, gathering her closer with an affable but reproving expression. He hasn't had a chance to wash up; he's sure his fingers, his face and mouth, smell heavily of Asami's juices. But he knows Korra isn't fastidious -- so he has no qualms about kissing her. Feeding on her mouth like candy, little biting morsels, until the taste of her friend dissolves within her own unique sweetness. ]

[ When he pulls back, it's still near enough to nuzzle her cheek: a wet peck, a lazy rubbing of noses, and then one swiping rasp of stubble across her tender throat, leaving a mild burn in his wake. A simple intimacy he'd never offer Asami. No five-act extempore performances, all raunch and dazzle -- but the sweet simplicity of skin on skin. ]

[ Against her ear, he murmurs, ]

If you want dirty details, ask Asami. [ Dryly, ] Seems like you've already shared most of ours.

[anatural]

[His tone is dry, but it's hard not to take it as a scold.] I wasn't spilling secrets! Well, okay, I kind of was, but — [I thought you were dead!] talking about it all helped me deal with things while you were gone. [Her grip around him tightens, like she's afraid that saying this will make him want to leave again. Asami's taste lingers in her mouth — not just from Hei, but the time before Hei came back, when it was just her and Asami. Not really together, not quite in love, but intimately linked. Hei's return didn't break that bond. Everything that's happened these past few months has been Korra's attempts to keep everything together, preserve her connection with Asami and rebuild her connection with Hei. She doesn't want to lose either of them; no matter which one breaks, it won't be clean, it won't be pretty, and she doesn't know if the resulting wounds would ever heal.]

I don't want the details. I just...want to know how you are. How we are.

[mortemscintilla]

[ It's a moment to drag himself from the murk of his thoughts and remember how he'd vanished, the yawning gap of time in between, and how without even trying he's now reduced a ten-thousand year-old godling in soft, sweetly-shaped human skin to those tones of pleading uncertainty. All at once he's ashamed of his petty grievances. Love is a kind of forgiveness, he knows: hate the sin but love the sinner. A mentality he's always despised -- but Korra has forgiven him of so much. Whereas his own love for her always seems imperfect -- fray-edged and not-enough. He always stays a half-step removed, obsessed with clarity and control. ]

[ Maybe that's why they keep getting wrenched away from each other -- because unlike with Amber and Pai, he always holds something back. ]

[ He gathers her a little closer, needing to feel her warmth, her pulse. Less a suggestive clasp than a reassurance, letting her feel his solidity, his quiet there-ness. With his palm he cradles her head, cupping behind her ear. ]

[ A beat, then, ]

We're fine.

[ He gazes at her from under his lashes with a melting fondness, and his mouth is a tiny smile. It's a look that says There are bumps, but whatever they are, they're not a problem. He's not particularly thrilled with the threesomes -- though he does enjoy them for the physicality and release. But this isn't about him. It's all about roots. Korra wants them; he is afraid of them. But really, it takes more than one person to make roots. ]

I'm not ... used to sharing you. But I don't want to spoil whatever's between you and Asami. When this is over, I'd like to go back to how things were. But if you want to keep her close -- [ In kissing distance, rather than at arm's reach. ] I'll try not to get in the way.

[anatural]

[She can't say she's happy with that response. Happy would be him enjoying this arrangement and letting it continue. But it's a fair compromise; even her inner toddler can see that. In some ways, it's like the compromise she made when they became a pair as opposed to two people who occasionally fucked. Maybe it's that similarity that bothers her, because she never did like that arrangement. It left wounds on her heart, even though she signed onto it, and those wounds took years to heal. She doesn't want that to happen to Hei too. She just wants to have everything without anybody getting hurt.

Part of growing up is accepting that you won't always get what you want. She cups his face in her hands and pulls him in for a long, deep kiss.]

I love you. [She wants to burn that into his muscle, carve it into his bones so no matter what happens, he never has to doubt or wonder.]

[mortemscintilla]

[ Compromise is a bitter-tasting word. But it's one Hei is unsettlingly familiar with -- as long as it gets him what he wants. As a Contractor, there has never been any sacrifice he's been unwilling to make, or any principle he's been unwilling to discard, to achieve his goals. Here, at least, the goals are bloodless, sweatless. He wants to keep Korra close. Keep her happy. And though he can be a passive-aggressive son of a bitch when he wants to, he won't begrudge her this special closeness to Asami. ]

[ Restrictions feed frustrations. It's too easy to feel trapped, miserable in your monogamy. Hei understands that. It was why, when they'd discussed their early arrangement, he'd kept that clause open-ended. Because he understood a time would come when Korra's shyness would fade. When she'd want to spread her sexual wings, to explore. But more than that, because he understood they were ill-matched, and that there were aspects of her life, her psyche, that he'd never be able to soothe or understand. ]

[ It's happened. And if it disorients Hei -- then it's his own fault for his three-year absence. ]

[ He takes her kiss -- and her words -- as what she means them to be. A certainty, in a world of changeable promises and fickle temptations. No unsaid But, the eternal qualifier. There always is one; he's been shaped on this home truth. Everytime there isn't -- everytime she says those words -- something inside him lurches with a seasick incredulity. ]

I know.

[ Quiet voice, his gaze soft as a kiss, and the kiss itself is a fluttery benediction, a braid of Thank you and I love you too woven together without words. The bottomless sadness, he forces below his surface. It'll do no good to admit, But I can never keep what I love. ]