[ It is a flat, commonplace statement that makes Hei's blood thin with a sense of crippling inadequacy. But he can't seem to shape any better words. And even if he could... Well. There's nothing he could say that would make his behavior permissible, plausible, let alone a fact that she'd comprehend. It's not that Korra lacks the capacity to understand -- maybe she would, maybe she wouldn't -- but this kind of let-down isn't something you can brush off with a tepid I'm sorry. ]
[ Part of him is still amazed at how dizzied and sick and despairing the baby's loss has left him, at how desperately he'd wanted something that in fact he'd given no thought to before Korra had taken him aside and mumbled I'm pregnant. He hadn't so much as given an inkling to children or fatherhood in years and years. Once the whole irrefutable fact of who -- what -- he was had really settled into his psyche. ]
[ Once he understood, if only subconsciously, that some vital parts of him were well and truly dead. ]
[ He cuts his gaze away briefly. Inhales, and exhales. (Tells himself the ache in his chest, flowering sharper and darker each day, is exhaustion, not depression.) ]
[ Eventually, ]
I know... I should've been there with you. It was the worst possible time for me to fuck off. I just -- [ Didn't know how to face you. Didn't know how I could possibly be any help. With a dry swallow, he manages, ] I guess I was hoping it didn't really happen.
no subject
[ It is a flat, commonplace statement that makes Hei's blood thin with a sense of crippling inadequacy. But he can't seem to shape any better words. And even if he could... Well. There's nothing he could say that would make his behavior permissible, plausible, let alone a fact that she'd comprehend. It's not that Korra lacks the capacity to understand -- maybe she would, maybe she wouldn't -- but this kind of let-down isn't something you can brush off with a tepid I'm sorry. ]
[ Part of him is still amazed at how dizzied and sick and despairing the baby's loss has left him, at how desperately he'd wanted something that in fact he'd given no thought to before Korra had taken him aside and mumbled I'm pregnant. He hadn't so much as given an inkling to children or fatherhood in years and years. Once the whole irrefutable fact of who -- what -- he was had really settled into his psyche. ]
[ Once he understood, if only subconsciously, that some vital parts of him were well and truly dead. ]
[ He cuts his gaze away briefly. Inhales, and exhales. (Tells himself the ache in his chest, flowering sharper and darker each day, is exhaustion, not depression.) ]
[ Eventually, ]
I know... I should've been there with you. It was the worst possible time for me to fuck off. I just -- [ Didn't know how to face you. Didn't know how I could possibly be any help. With a dry swallow, he manages, ] I guess I was hoping it didn't really happen.