Sharp sense of insecurity

[anatural]

[This is a really bad idea. Korra knows this, repeats it over and over to herself as she takes the elevator up to Hei's apartment.

Just a sad little girl willing to spread her legs for anyone who'd pay attention to her. A sad little girl who can only love people who hurt her.

She thought she had worked these issues out years ago. She's no longer ashamed of her sexual history or her turbulent relationship with Hei. She's comfortable with who she is. And yet ... The spirit's words clawed their way under her skin, turning her blood into slime. Making her feel tainted and deformed. She destroyed the spirit, but the wound remains.

She can't bear to go home to Mai and Asami like this. She's in no condition to really accept the comfort that Asami has to offer, without secretly wondering if the other woman was just blinded by affection. Most importantly, she doesn't want this taint to reach her little girl.

This is a bad idea. But she presses on because she suspects it's the irrational, self-loathing part of her talking and not her real self. Yet a sick feeling in her gut leaves her uncertain whether this is something she really needs ... or a terrible mistake.]

Comments

[mortemscintilla]

[ Something in his chest flares, as if he's been pierced with a red-hot shiruken. He nearly asks Really, except he is afraid she might backtrack, make a nick-of-time escape once she remembers herself -- either five minutes after the hormone-soaked indolence fades, or tomorrow, in the bright sobriety of daylight. He's afraid too, of being absolutely crushed after his long-dormant hopes are stirring. Of disturbing the comfortable nullity he should not dare breach -- otherwise all the heartache and misery sweeps through him in a dark wave. ]

[ Hard to succumb to the seduction of trust, after everything that's happened. But, he reminds himself, if he's in a precarious spot, then Korra's is ten times riskier. ]

[ Eventually, his voice dropping before it trips into a boyish stammer, ]

I -- all right.

[ Although he knows he should be cooler, nonchalant, because BK201 never used to tolerate being unnecessarily jerked around -- he feels ready to fly to the Fire Nation with Korra and little Mai at once. With his eyes half-closed and Korra's heavy skull nestled against his cheek, he imagines nights of this, days of this: this beautiful girl in his arms, smooching, undressing, her eyes blue and glowy and opaque as he gazes into them. Or baby Mai's warm wriggly weight in the crook of his elbow, her words like a chiming nonsense tinkle from a music-box. ]

[ How could he possibly refuse? (How can he ignore how much it will hurt afterward?) ]

[anatural]

[It's dumb to feel so happy because of his response. Dumb to have invited him in the first place. Dumb to have done so many things, and Korra doesn't care. Her mind flies straight to where Hei's is: happy picnics with Mai running around giggling; steamy nights tangled together as the little girl sleeps.

Almost as though in preparation, she reaches down and slides his cock between her thighs, so its length rests nuzzled up against her curls. She's not addled enough to take it inside without a condom, but she wants it close.]

Good. [They can work out the details later. For now, this is enough.]