[ He can see that wary, dark-edged contemplation that takes residence in her gaze -- if only for a few minutes. He knows what it means. Much as Hei wants her forgiveness, he knows better than to imagine he deserves it. Mai comes first and his own needs come second. There aren't any illusions that they'll be a family, but Hei wants to offer his unremitting attention, if Korra is willing to take it. His uncertain status in this world, his floating disconnection, which drops down heavily moment to moment, the gory memories of his past -- all this makes him afraid. Afraid he won't be equal to fathering a child, equal to the responsibility it thrusts upon him. ]
[ Equal to Korra's expectations. ]
[ But he's staying, for Mai, for her. She is what he wants, to do right for her, to be right for her. ]
[ Maybe, if he can do that, and if she will go on being kind to him, her presence will help dispel those haunting reminders of his failure. Maybe her presence will make him into a normal man. (And if it doesn't -- it'll hurt, but that's how life is.) ]
[ Cradling Mai, he steps out onto the front porch to sniff the coolish evening air. Cicadas and crickets creak out of the tall grass, while the dark arcs of birds swoop across the purpling sky. The air has a salty, bracing tang that rapidly fills his nose and lungs. In his arms, Mai kicks and lets off a high-pitched burble, before subsiding into a fascinated silence as she regards the vista. ]
[ Peering down at her, Hei waits for Korra and Naga to come around. Her eyes glitter like two blue marbles in the gloaming; her focus is absolute, the lineaments of her face resembling Pai's when she first woke from her Remuneration, dreamy yet clear-gazed, her mouth a soft sated curl. ]
[ Quietly, ]
We'll try swimming. Not now. Maybe soon.
[ 'Oooon! Mai twitters in agreement, fat fingers plucking at his shirt collar. He has to fight a brief, terrible sadness -- knowing he'll return to his own little flat empty-handed, nothing but her nonsense prattle wheeling around in his skull. ]
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Date: 2015-06-23 02:19 pm (UTC)[ Equal to Korra's expectations. ]
[ But he's staying, for Mai, for her. She is what he wants, to do right for her, to be right for her. ]
[ Maybe, if he can do that, and if she will go on being kind to him, her presence will help dispel those haunting reminders of his failure. Maybe her presence will make him into a normal man. (And if it doesn't -- it'll hurt, but that's how life is.) ]
[ Cradling Mai, he steps out onto the front porch to sniff the coolish evening air. Cicadas and crickets creak out of the tall grass, while the dark arcs of birds swoop across the purpling sky. The air has a salty, bracing tang that rapidly fills his nose and lungs. In his arms, Mai kicks and lets off a high-pitched burble, before subsiding into a fascinated silence as she regards the vista. ]
[ Peering down at her, Hei waits for Korra and Naga to come around. Her eyes glitter like two blue marbles in the gloaming; her focus is absolute, the lineaments of her face resembling Pai's when she first woke from her Remuneration, dreamy yet clear-gazed, her mouth a soft sated curl. ]
[ Quietly, ]
We'll try swimming. Not now. Maybe soon.
[ 'Oooon! Mai twitters in agreement, fat fingers plucking at his shirt collar. He has to fight a brief, terrible sadness -- knowing he'll return to his own little flat empty-handed, nothing but her nonsense prattle wheeling around in his skull. ]