[ This should be impossible -- except there are shortcomings in labeling anything as impossible. Especially where Hei's concerned. (Especially in the City.) ]
[ She says, Just sex, and something flickers across his face, an undercurrent of sickened horror. Usually, Hei can be surprised without registering it one iota. But his fortification of iron walls and secret minefields has dissipated. Nausea roils through him, a silent paroxysmal judder. One hand lifts absently to drag through his hair like that will help, because fuck this -- more City-magic dragging the filthy details of his life through the streets, through stranger's minds. ]
[ Except his horror isn't for himself. It's for whatever Korra must have seen. Just sex -- she assures him. But Hei has no idea what facet of his sexuality, his history, she's witnessed. Whatever violations he's routinely submitted to during assignments, they are compartmentalized and shelved away the moment they're over, irrelevant as the cuts scab up and the sweat dries, supplanted by the physical satisfaction of a crisp signed check. ]
[ But to be chemically fixed in time and passed into a different mind -- not a fucking static photograph but a living, breathing memory -- that is an exposure which can never be covered again. ]
Who was I with?
[ It is rasping, yet steady. Given the recent curse, the most logical conclusion would be Amber. But those are memories Hei clutches to the most private depths of himself. Something sordid -- skullfucking a drunk rentboy in a dirty bathroom only to have the kid puke all over his shoes and his dick, pulling a train on a camp follower who turned out to have a blasting cap wedged between her broken teeth, her head exploding under a stray backhand and fragments of her skull and teeth tearing the nearest soldier to ribbons, coercing a mark into sex under the guise of trust and love, only to give the signal a few hours later to have his entire family slaughtered before his eyes, even one or two innocently screwed-up games with Pai, brimming with the pre-pubescent curiosities of children who didn't quite understand sex or boundaries yet -- anything would be preferable. ]
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Date: 2014-11-09 12:13 am (UTC)[ She says, Just sex, and something flickers across his face, an undercurrent of sickened horror. Usually, Hei can be surprised without registering it one iota. But his fortification of iron walls and secret minefields has dissipated. Nausea roils through him, a silent paroxysmal judder. One hand lifts absently to drag through his hair like that will help, because fuck this -- more City-magic dragging the filthy details of his life through the streets, through stranger's minds. ]
[ Except his horror isn't for himself. It's for whatever Korra must have seen. Just sex -- she assures him. But Hei has no idea what facet of his sexuality, his history, she's witnessed. Whatever violations he's routinely submitted to during assignments, they are compartmentalized and shelved away the moment they're over, irrelevant as the cuts scab up and the sweat dries, supplanted by the physical satisfaction of a crisp signed check. ]
[ But to be chemically fixed in time and passed into a different mind -- not a fucking static photograph but a living, breathing memory -- that is an exposure which can never be covered again. ]
Who was I with?
[ It is rasping, yet steady. Given the recent curse, the most logical conclusion would be Amber. But those are memories Hei clutches to the most private depths of himself. Something sordid -- skullfucking a drunk rentboy in a dirty bathroom only to have the kid puke all over his shoes and his dick, pulling a train on a camp follower who turned out to have a blasting cap wedged between her broken teeth, her head exploding under a stray backhand and fragments of her skull and teeth tearing the nearest soldier to ribbons, coercing a mark into sex under the guise of trust and love, only to give the signal a few hours later to have his entire family slaughtered before his eyes, even one or two innocently screwed-up games with Pai, brimming with the pre-pubescent curiosities of children who didn't quite understand sex or boundaries yet -- anything would be preferable. ]